Welcome to my Head

It's Not There

2010-12-01T22:47:00.001-08:00

It’s the moment you’re forced to glove up. Inducing a sternum rub while staring into the eyes that appear no longer have the ability to stare back into yours. Compressions are followed by breathes, although the body does not want to hold onto them. It’s only when you realize that you’re the one lying there on the ground that you can once again become coherent.

Beyond Our Sight

2010-09-15T00:20:00.001-07:00

here i sit alone all day. unable to breathe, all i do is stare. the white walls keep their distance as i have never been able to lean upon them. bits and pieces of voice filter in but i see no faces nor does it bring a smile about me. time has left with the ticking of its clock, its hands to carry something much more real. beyond my now claimed white walls, i see no more and never wanted to. when upon the sounds of tears i hear, an exit sign fades in and looms above a now visible crack in a wall. growing larger, it crumbles. standing up like i haven't in so long, i begin to make progress toward it. pausing and looking back, the room seems whiter now. i close my eyes for the last time and take my final step. the sensation of darkness surrounds me and numbs my body and brings about a silence to the pain.

The Only One

2010-09-15T00:14:00.000-07:00

i aimed to leap upon my bed in hours of absent sun. i leaped but did not land, a splash arose and all around melted. falling through my once bed, i became entangled within the flurry or current. being teased by the minuscule portions of air that soar out of reach. involuntary breath holding follows me to the floor where a bed of sand awaits my weary head.

Moments That Follow

2010-08-09T17:58:00.001-07:00

it's when the hands reach up in attempt to grasp onto just a piece.

something for them to hold onto.

only a piece, that happens to be almost out of attainment.

a touch of finger upon its cold metallic flesh. just out of reach, just of air.

Tempered Taste on the Tongue

2010-06-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

road set out before us

stretched forth and wandering

darkened shadows melt

as illumination carries us by

lifeless leaves scattered

lying motionless

locked away within frost

blurring the lines that guide

melody intertwines among rhythm

gently lulling our minds

distorting time

thoughts become lost and faded

while waning crescent

smiles upon our journey

Advised Not To

2010-06-08T22:04:00.000-07:00

“Why do you always have a baseball bat with you?”

“What happens when I need to hit that homerun to win the game, and I’m up to the plate and I don’t have a bat? What then?”

“What makes you think you’re on deck?”

“Hmm…fair point. I believe you have found a flaw in my logics. A cog seems to be missing. I’ll have to look for it. Are those M&Ms in your pocket, because if they are I would like to taste the rainbow.”

“That’s the slogan for Skittles, not M&Ms.”

“Ok well let me have some Skittles then, I only hope that they won’t melt in my hand just my mouth.”

“That’s the…*sigh* whatever, sure you ca…”

“This is my stop, I have to get off here otherwise I have to come all the way back up town to get to work, because that’s where it’s located. I advise you to do the same.”

“Jack… we’re going to the same place…and we want the next stop, not this one.”

“Sir you’re beginning to ruffle my feathers and I don’t appreciate that. Now if you excuse me I’m going to be late for work.”

“…yep alright. See you at home Jack.

“Goodbye Phyllis.”

“I’ll tell you one more time, just incase you haven’t heard me the million other times, it’s Greg.”

“I…I can’t hear you... I…must be going. No change, no change, sorry, it’s going to be alright. LOS CABOS!!”

“Jack that doesn’t…mean goodbye…”

Drop Your Head To Avoid Eye Contact

2010-04-01T23:00:00.000-07:00

"fair point," said Greg the robber.

"although the pond yet lies stagnant," proclaimed Colby as he noticed that Greg began to stare at the sky while saying "i blame it on the moon with such a luminous glow, she confuses what to be day and what night."

"She cannot always hold the sway of the water, as she does hide herself to mirror the pendulum's swing," defending the one who cannot speak.

"they mustn't be allowed the pleasure of loosening their tongue from teeth," Greg protested in alarm to that of Colby's defense.

"all cannot be controlled my friend," Colby uttered throwing his words to the wind while moving toward Greg, "let us go home before we shame another that cannot raise a hand in anger."

Only When You Close Your Eyes

2010-03-25T00:05:00.000-07:00

leaving you entangled within its wake it doesn't look back for that is not in its nature. saturated eyes hidden under red hue of swollen mess. lungs without a hold on the air they so long for, you gasp in search of more but find nothing in a state of panic. body trembles in a state of disbelief as a fear lingers above that it might once again show its grueling face. images in motion with voices to match make up the thoughts that force their way before your eyes. once place to rest your heavy head now has become a tomb to the tears that you've shed, dampening the fabric for more than just the state of evaporation. the lights have long gone and the room looks solely at you, amplifying the reason of needing contact with another.

They Paint Their Eyes Into Dreams

2010-03-11T00:28:00.000-08:00

her pale skin and coarse hair

forces moments to pass by in pieces

stone melts before the caressing touch of rain

while leaves are conquered by the fluttering of gravity

striation upon silken skin maps her thinking at will

easy spoken doors open into a drunken state

leaving the stiff face of time to shutter

courteous clouds grace the unwanting face of moon

Catalyst for Transcending

2010-02-23T00:58:00.001-08:00

Without essential items, nothing can or could be. A thought cannot become reality, silica cannot become a window, and a seed cannot flourish into a plant. This seed, under the correct conditions, has the ability to remain in a suspended state for years, possibly decades if it’s not allowed to reap the benefits of the earth and its abundance of variant life sustaining matters. Without the presence of these essential items the seed remains nothing but a seed. It cannot grow; it has not the possibility of harvesting sunlight for the creation of its food. It shall never be forced to fight through hard times of the dry season’s drought. It has no chance, no opportunity to say “goodbye” to something that was not there to begin with.

One seed may germinate into something beautiful but it takes a handful of seeds to create a flowing cohesive junction. A singular tree has the ability to bring positive attention to home’s curb appeal, but it takes an entire forest to ensure the wealth of this planet. Something as simple as a seed has the potential, if given the chance, to give and create wealth in such harmony; priceless for the outcomes may be never ending.

This image of a lonely seed begins to bloom into a whole new picture. An image, a story, a piece of art that takes on a new meaning before the viewer’s eyes as if shown in a different spectrum of light, yet remains physically unaltered. It starts with a shift in direction, a change in point of view. Unearthed within its hues, its dynamic, its whole composition is a story, a journey of what can, of what could, of what has not yet come to pass. With time a whole, finished picture may come into view.

The Sound of Someone Walking

2010-02-22T23:56:00.000-08:00

“You should not say never for it takes away the characteristics of the house at hand,” said the Hatter to the Hare as the matter of the issue was overlooked.

I take music in pill form and swallow it dry. It leaves the most peculiar taste as it rolls down my throat. After the music hits me I drown the outside noises with a perspiring glass of emotional writing. It soothes the scratching the pill left and calms the war mongering cells within. Yet this combination leads to fly bys in radio controlled balloons. So ill listen to your brother Jake as I fall to my pillow remembering the days that I have been told came to pass. “Are you well?” She asked as she gazed into his catatonic eyes with a smirk on her face and a forced tear running down her nose. “...I’m fine...,” he claimed as he closed his eyes, “...I’m just anticipating the sight of you leaving,” and fell asleep.

“Fear not my dear for I am fine, and safe at that. I sit among a table of angles,” he said while the small child at his feet began to weep.

Air Filled Bottles

2009-12-02T23:25:00.000-08:00

peering out the window will not be as it was the day before. each gaze becomes anew. a different thought. a varying memory. a new memory. a different time. under different circumstances. different reason. a different you. me. he. she. them. they. a whole new experience. the only variant that has but to change is the window itself. an object that allows and creates such variance, yet it itself has none.

Archaic

2009-11-11T22:45:00.000-08:00

i lie sleepless in my bed. at a time when sleep should have come hours ago. my mind circling around a single thought, a single person that i wish to remember.

with slight hesitating i get up and re-awaken my computer from its own slumber. as if jealous that i cannot sleep so easily. i sit as it wipes the crust out of its eyes and i think.

motionless as a thought process begins to unravel. can i bring myself to accomplish what it is i set out to do; write about a missed one, someone who i wish to see once more? spiraling, twisting, turning, falling.

there it is. the answer. awaiting me. and i can breathe yet again. i don't miss him anymore.

Choking on Thrown Stones

2009-11-06T01:22:00.000-08:00

I lay awake at night

pondering aimlessly in my bed

as I allow the music fill my ears

and await for a nightly visitation

from the man who keeps the sand

time passes and I lay awake

holding restless aches within

venturing as to where I may find

a glass of water to soothe my mind

returning to my scene of slumber

upon my bed an imp sits in wait

staring through me before upon me

it smirks and nods as to giving a gesture

one that shall suggest my bed lay empty

as to follow its benign nature

it preforms in an act of vanishment

the hour upon this night in which I wake

seems to have become too late

closing of eyes to ponder once more

for the coming of nightly tomorrow

it may lay in wait yet again

grief stricken

2009-11-06T01:13:00.000-08:00

Tapping upon translucent glass as if none had seen it. Vibrations disturb the hands that hold so much responsibility yet cannot hold anything at all. Moments flickering, stopping, starting, then jumping to as where they do not belong, creating a sensation of dismay.

Tapping on the glass and moments pause, skip ahead and become lost, rewriting history as if never to have happened upon Earthly ground. Shattered thoughts, robbed from those who once dreamed of such delights.

Tapping on the glass and the memories fade, become lost and never to have happened.

Least They Know

2009-10-01T23:53:00.001-07:00

cover your mouth
less the evils crawl out
twist and turn
to mold into what
cannot be seen
under the power of control

Speak of Black

2009-10-01T23:49:00.001-07:00

i stand upon the top
it over looks all
and all i wish to see
one step to make me
take it and i could have all
that is there that lies before me
yet i dont know which way it is
one step to break me
take it and it all comes crashing down
nothing or no one to save me

Five O' Clock Shadow Before the Dawn

2009-09-29T18:09:00.001-07:00

you hold a gun in your hand

but can you see what I hold in mine

that tongue of yours never seems to sleep

as mine is always looked upon

for an answer that cannot be heard

for I am nothing like you nor will I be

you may choose to turn your head

or close your eyes in this changing time

but mine are open and hand stretched forth

for we both know things will change

regardless of how ignorant

you may choose to be

ignorance may be bliss

but your bliss is just a defence

for what is and has come to be

like all defences this one too

will begin to crack and come to pass

Nothing But Lines

2009-09-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

rain drops filled with a single memory

each falling of rain like the telling of a story

here within a time and a place

each rain storm is transformed into

the telling of a thousand lives and beyond

wind does blow an the words are shaken

they fall one after another

coming together altering rainfall

into an endless story

puddles grow and time does fade

the rains are gone and the words have stopped

reflecting emotions grow louder as the

air is filled with an abundance of an earthly silence

once rested grey skies now begin

to transition into a speckled black

a nightly abyss holds its own secrets

flickering, twinkling, telling;

this endless endeavor too has something to say

As the Streets Become Filled with Water

2009-09-22T23:25:00.000-07:00

you, they, he, I and she

wander between the seemingly endless maze

that has become to make up the outer defences

broken they must be and the empire will tremble

begin to fall as their defences begin to suffer

burnt and red the walls change under kiss of sun

satisfied with only but to succeed we leave

not to turn a head in the destruction behind

your, their, his, mine, and her

lives continue for a walk upon two feet

When I Ride You

2009-09-22T23:21:00.000-07:00

you must be weary of the morning shadows
they filter around the corners of the dawn
our star tries so hard to void them out
yet they still find a way to creep in
morning shadows know no bounds
upon trees, on rocks, under foot
that is where they hide
that is what they have become

holding onto what they know

night leaves them behind

cold and empty they are left

alone to travel aimlessly

within the murky hours of twilight

until at last the star we all know

begins to win its battle

warding them off they fall

out of view, far from home

yet we all know their secret

they'll be back for another fight

Blood on the Computer

2009-09-18T22:56:00.000-07:00

heavy eyes and soap shavings

this is not the world i remember

when shadow is allowed

to overcome the walls

the vines wont be able to succeed

moonlight can only hold it off for so long

before she herself becomes consumed

within its echoing dark past

although that's just a day we must look to

one far beyond the west

that is a world i wont remember

heavy eyes speak poems and

stoplights choose to change their color

Rough Carpet Beneath

2009-09-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

ear to the floor and they say that they want more, that they need more. take it away and you just cannot hear. lower the level, the sounds simply come back. broken and partial, the line grows longer. hear their lives through the bottomless floors. reverberations off the walls into your mind.

I Watched You Laugh

2009-09-18T22:47:00.001-07:00

roll your eyes from right to left

across the floor be sure they know the rest

the window will not open

until the wind shows its face

coming from hilltops and where its been laid to rest

for here nor there can no leaf fall

from cantaloupe changing to Canterbury

it cannot lie without the rest

One Less

2009-09-15T00:27:00.001-07:00

they just couldn't seem to tell him

the truth that was behind all the tears

and it continued to well up inside

days gone by and him not knowing

the words lay torment to their minds

their mouths shutter and stop at the thought

the tongue lay still for the pain is too much

he still does not know the pain of truth

When I Know the Road Calls My Name

2009-07-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

from end to end, to the moon and back

the distance within a setting of time

when not a soul is there to watch me pass

to catch me gazing out the window

to help me realize that I'm not alone

the help i wish i shall not see

street signs and road maps are all I'll read

distance grows then shrinks, only to grow once more

filtering through the artificial jungles

finding a way out before i even begin

not knowing is the only thing I'll know I'll want

not north, nor south, no right, no left, no wrong

civilized trails are calling and they wish to greet me

they, nor I care to determine a destination

for i wish for this to never come to an end

but as everything must, it cannot last

until that one fateful night that shall come

where the sun's torture feeds into the dark

as i lay restless in my hours of sleep

taking only a pause from the tossing and turning

i can hear a distant voice that knows my name

that calls upon me in the open night

and it's there that I'll flee once more

False Momentum

2009-05-14T22:53:00.000-07:00

your castle begins to burn to the ground all around you

the flames tare at all you have come to know

the heat rises within the its walls

yet you continue to sit upon your thrown

not moving but your hand to wipe the beads of sweat that run down your temples

the walls begin to give in to gravity

the large stones that make up the roof start to fall

one at a time, then faster and faster

sunlight pears through the now open wounds of your once home

crumbling, succumbing to the flames of retribution

the fortification meant to protect you has become your demise

It Tasted So Sweet

2009-05-13T21:33:00.000-07:00

the taste of posion lingers on your lips as you move away from mine. the thought of death begins to linger upon your mind. walking back and forth upon the surface of your imagination. leaving behind foot prints as to where it has wondered. each one sending an intense visualization before your very eyes. fingers that you recognize as your own run over your lips before pulling them away. your look of confusion changes at the hands of what is happening, morphing into the subtle expression of shock that flows across your face, only to be washed away from the coming fear of the uncertainty of what comes next. quivering inside your own body your eyes attempt to make one final connection. staring deep into mine searching for the answer to that one word question; why? your chest begins to freeze, halting its exchange for fresh breathable air. knees buckle as gravity takes you, leaving you motionless on the floor where we once made love. eyes beginning to glaze over while your lively skin takes on a shade of pale, a color of blan that can only be painted by death. your body lay there intimately upon the naked floor which begins to steals your now unneeded warmth. sitting upon a chair in the far off dark corner, my eyes scan over your limp body as a smirk erupts upon my face.

Tip Your Hat

2009-04-03T17:08:00.001-07:00

i sit on the porch and stare up
into the dark unknown
looking for what i might never find
an answer to all my questions

Taste You One Last Time

2009-04-03T16:58:00.001-07:00

i watch you sit there
and make out with mannequins
as if trying to breath life into them
cold and lifeless bodies
longing for them to return the love
you so desperately give them

all i can do is sit here
and watch as you try so hard
while i make the smallest effort
and make love to someone real

Atlas

2009-03-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

feel the pain. the darkness surrounding me. nothing i want. no motivation. pushing things away. i have been here before. its a dark and eerie place. never wished to be back here. cant seam to bring myself to smile. can even find the darkness on the sunniest days. don't know who to turn to anymore. i drive them away. cant always listen to the voice from within. yet it is so strong and has its say. drive the knife deeper yet. the cold steel is felt against my beating heart. can i be the only one. i feel so alone. might as well be on mars. cant breath anyway. frustration take my lungs hostage. trapping the air from moving. becoming stagnant. cant last much longer. isolation seems to me my cure for now. its all i feel. its all i want. not sure who to trust in these days that we now live. day to day the sun comes up. and yet all i see is the darkness it creates. there is nothing that you or i can do about it. we all must play the game. its an easy concept and yet we struggle with it so. but is this suppose to be. are we to struggle. people say its a test. it strengthens us. allowing us to move forward. but when you live in darkness there clearly is no light. no reason. no purpose to move forward. all the while here i am. alive and taking up space in this forever shrinking world. where do i come in. where do we all come in. when it is that we cant combine our efforts. we cant unite under one power to bring about peace and a way of life that allows us to simply live life. for years to come. who do we turn to now to save us. our neighbor. our family. our friends. where are we to turn when you yourself don't know who to trust any longer. times of darkness we have reached. a period of darkness i find myself in. alone. you cant see the writing on the wall when the room you reside in holds no light.

Ego

2009-03-28T19:02:00.000-07:00

run to the bathtub for your soup is boiling. slip on the soap and add some flavor. dripping cold water hits the surface. steam rises and peals the wallpaper. gravity holds onto the fallen paper of wall and wont let go. added color to soup masks the bottom of the pot and coats the spoon made from wood of the amazon. picking up flavors along the way.

Look Up

2009-02-13T15:15:00.000-08:00

take me back to the stars

for i wish to dance among

them one last time

with you in your arms

bring me to the moon

and let us take a walk

upon its silky surface

for i cannot think of

anything more romantic

let us make our way

to the milky way

for i want to lie within

it one last time with you

may we find our way

to the ends of the system

cause one last dip

on Neptune would sooth

my achy thoughts

may we never forget

sitting upon the rings of Saturn

those warm evenings

watching as the enchanting

comets would streak across the galaxy

let us not forget

those cold nights on Pluto

so alone with no one

but you and your warmth

Sad Times

2009-02-12T22:08:00.000-08:00

i know its wrong. and i know i should feel this way. but i do. there is no way out. I'm being pulled apart on the inside. while on the outside i show nothing. i need out.
not being able to see my friends or even being able to get out of the house, sorry my mistake "house." I'm a prisoner in a place that i never wanted to be anyway. and i hate it here.
i cant feel anymore, anything positive anyway. there are no good feelings that surge through my body and i hate not feeling good about myself.
I'm irritated all the time and its taking me down. its dragging me down. and i don't know how much longer i can hold it together. and i hate not knowing if ill even want to get up tomorrow.
I'm surrounded by people who don't care. they look after themselves and that is. its not right when they have obligations. some people should never be parents, and i got stuck with two of them. not to mention a sibling that would rather see the world end than to extend her hand out t help someone. i fee nothing for them anymore, nothing but hate.
the majority of the people that fill this world are evil. and they take it out on people that stand out against the norm. its not right of them. and still they do it, not caring. we will destroy ourselves. and i don't think that day is too far ahead. this world is ruined and i hate it.
I'm in an ocean of sound. lost at sea with no map and no wind. i have no energy left to row. my ship will go down. and i have no voice to scream out, no on hears me anyway and i hate that.
I've got no will, no way and no say. what is life without. what has happened to me.
i hate everything.

Breath of Explosion

2009-02-05T01:52:00.000-08:00

I sit alone in the dark listening to the music my fingers create
and beyond the murmur of this beautiful piano
I hear a low roar as if a plane was sweeping the sky for clouds
I freeze myself in time and lie in silence
I look to the window as if it would help me to hear the roar better
out of the corner of my eye I see my over used water bottle
the water shows that it may be more than just a sound
the glass beings to dance while the pictures upon the wall fear
upon standing I make my move and pull back the curtains
through the thickening darkness created by the trees a light, two of them
moving slowly straight for the house in which I reside
I know what it is and my body fills with adrenaline and excitement
there was always a reason for the gun cabinet to always be unlocked and ready
they are coming and will not accept anything but the death of me
the boots now upon my feet and the jacket enclosing the holsters underneath
the cabinet fears for it now is lonely and has not but any company
impregnated holsters while my hands feel the cold clean feel of raw power
a crunch echoes across the midnight soaked lawn as the rock underneath makes contact
I find comfort in darkness for I am death itself and nothing short of a creature of night
lights shine across the cottage that held my protection against the day
the metal rolling creature opens releasing its deadly bastards that look to the moon
entering the house from all sides as if planned to ambush it backfires
unknowingly they walk into the monstrosity that I left specifically for them
the night becomes showered with a fiery display of orange and yellows
contrast becomes great as the once flying red and silver pieces now rest upon the green
my impression is left in the earth as I stand watching the demolition among the trees
nothing left but death allowing my journey to continue onward until first light

Rant Away

2009-02-03T01:16:00.000-08:00

i cant take this anymore. i really cant see anything worth looking forward to, cause there is nothing for me. i have no one. i have nothing. i am nothing. i see no point in it all anymore. i do nothing. i have nothing to show for myself. i just cant take it anymore. the long lonely nights, the cold days alone. they are always the same. my life means nothing. its the same every day, and its nothing short of sad and pathetic. i cant be who i want without ridicule following me. i feel no comfort where i lay my head. i cant do anything i want. i cant see the people i want. i want to cry but pain blockades the tears from falling. music has not a hold upon me any longer, it means nothing. i feel nothing from it, and more simply i feel nothing but pain and misery. and at this point i blame people, and not just me. for it is not just my blame to have. sure its me that has no motivation to do anything. yet when i do try to look into things to move my life along, they get fucked up by a huge wall in the road. so i share the blame with the builders of the wall, my parents. ignorant. stupid. foolish. they are what i never hope to be. no money. no house. no life but work. all blanketed with lies. and their problems get passed right on to us, their children. no college fund. no responsible decisions. no willingness to be the parent. i have in the past stepped up, to make dinner, take care of the ones that needed caring, tending of the house. no parent should sit back while the child slaves. i want it all to end. there is no point. and i blame them. living in a house that isn't ours. sharing a room with them. i have no privacy. no say. and all i feel is pain. hatred. anger. i want away from them forever. but nowhere to go and no how to get there. i am trapped here. to suffer alone. all caused by the hands of their poor fucking decisions. and their answer; got to pull together and get through this hard time. bullshit. this is their problem and we are the ones to suffer, i am the one to suffer. never any food. no conversation. i am alone. all i ever hear are arguments, bitching and excuses, when there is room for none. parental responsibilities have for so long been pushed upon me, when they sit and do nothing. fed up. and with no one to turn to. beginning to think i have not a friend. life just doesn't seem worth the battle without laughter, happiness, truth, freedom, beauty, friendship, and most of all love. and now once again i begin to see death in the corner, and he looks so inviting.

Before It Can Stop

2009-02-01T23:32:00.000-08:00

schools suffer

under the thumb

of corrupt bureaucrats

causing a reverberation

throughout the

generations to come

Desire Sleeps In My Chest

2009-02-01T22:34:00.000-08:00

rain falling upon the roof of the car
wiper blades streaking across the windshield

street lamp casting shadows across your face

your irresistible eyes gleaming in the darkness

fog collecting upon the windows surrounding us

the sound of your beating heart shows your nerves

the feel of your short course hair

your warm skin under my caressing touch

your hand in my hair pulls me in

shortening distance plays in slow motion

eyes shut as i begin to feel your breath against my face

contact between our lips ignites a surging sensation

temperatures rise giving birth a beads of sweat

electricity bonds our lips creating a seal of raw passion

bodies become one being intertwined in the reclined seat

our euphoric dream could not be shattered by anything

Bliss

2009-01-30T09:30:00.000-08:00

you cause me the torture
of lying awake at night
with you on my mind

my heart races toward you
and slows time to be with you
for that much longer

to feel your touch
is like poison that surges
through my body
paralyzing me in my tracks

your voice can be
compared to that of sirens
you draw me in
and devour my mind

your kiss is that of death
felt in the heart
clutched by your very hand

your body burns my eyes
with pure radiance that
emulates about you

the scent that lingers
is that of torture
making sure that
i shall never forget

i see your face and

look upon your eyes
ill never forget the
whisper from your lips

She Walks With a Tophat

2009-01-30T09:12:00.000-08:00

judge not by the sun
for it slumbers gently
listen carefully
for the moon whispers
what it can

ice forms within a blistering desert

yet does not melt when

the sun casts its rays

upon the shimmering surface

a subtle hint of laughter emits

within a room of darkness

and becomes crucified

even at its own thought

I give you

somebody else's name

because i do not

know my own

Midnight Rendezvous

2009-01-29T17:53:00.000-08:00

escaping from the darkness

every breath is all you can hear

attempts to avoid the sound

that lurks around every corner

one slip of the foot destroys it

motionless waiting for clearance

no stirs and its all clear

continue on in the dark

gathering the needs

to make a clean get away

the key turns and engine hums

bright lights flash unwantedly

creeping out past the trees

mission has become accomplished

Super Sonic

2009-01-26T21:23:00.001-08:00

take my hand, pull me close
i want to feel the warmth of your skin

stand with me in the rain
allow it to was away our sins
let it take the troubles from us
and leave us to dance another day

shows trying to be inventive
putting a woman as president

you may want to break out
but ill be breaking in

Naughty Street Signs

2009-01-25T00:03:00.000-08:00

there's this place we once knew
hard to get to and has no map
it takes a common mind to find
it's path that leads the way

green trees mixed with jelly beans
a tune in ours heads
and words in our mouths
combined to share our moments

clear your mind to open the door
take in the surrounding silence
it will take you to another realm
all you have to do is find the key

lying in a circle beneath the sky
passing air between our mouths
in sync creating a soothing song
something we find ourselves doing often

This Pen is Red, It's Ink is Red, Does That Mean All Ink is Red?

2009-01-21T21:22:00.000-08:00

found ink on my fingers this morning

again it has happened without a reason in mind

the walls paralyze my sight

while bringing a chill about my body

leaving me feeling numb once again

He's the Kind of Guy You Want So Bad it Makes You Sorry

2009-01-18T22:51:00.000-08:00

i only wish something could change my world

broken to pieces and falling apart

it lies helpless in a void

that once use to be filled by joy

i have lost the map long ago

and the compass is nowhere in sight

its like my words pass right through

landing in pools of sorrow

thoughts tumble through my mind

causing me grief and torment

its time to close this chapter

and begin anew

with a little help

from my friends

i believe i can

i just want somebody to love

Feels So Right

2009-01-18T21:50:00.000-08:00

do you remember that night
when the moon hit the lake
and we were there to see it
that's what i want to remember

do you recall the moment
that our eyes first met
locked together we couldn't look away
that's how i think of it

Feel the Hex

2009-01-12T19:52:00.000-08:00

there they sit. day in and day out. sitting together. like they have no jobs. yet where is the money coming from. but that's not important. what is is that they re always together. a group of friends. sitting. laughing. smiling. sharing conversation. day in and day out. they are together. you can see that they are close, just by the way they look at each other. sharing time. moments. make me think. will i have that later. ever. again. friendship. companions. people to laugh with. people to hold you up. people to be comfortable around. people that know you. people you go to for advice. will i be fortunate enough that will grace my life again. a close knit of friends. people you can count on. always. never let you down. yell at you for no reason. people you can love to be with. people that you can say things that only they will get. people you can love. people you can call friends.

Hey I Know You

2009-01-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

ladies and gentlemen

asswhipes and fuckers

whores and pimps

i invite you to come

completely free of charge

to his once in a lifetime event

well maybe not just once but several

of the official grand opening of

BRIAN'S GOING CRAZY

fun for all ages

spectacular shows

fire eaters

musclemen

contortionists

intrigue

danger and even

romance!!!

come one come all!!!

SEE. YOU. THERE.

Chaos Coming on Strong

2009-01-07T13:38:00.000-08:00

floods. hurricanes. wildfires. droughts. tornadoes. blizzards. come on people, you would have to live under a rock to not see for yourself that the evidence is all over the news. i think the Mayans and Nostradamus got it right, 2012 in looking too good. it all makes perfect sense. not following? let me explain. in the past like three years storms systems and weather overall has been getting worse. getting more intense and dangerous. record flooding in the past year has graced our doorsteps. Katrina decided to be a bitch and crashed mardi gras. not to mention the fucking snow fall record that we saw like 2 weeks ago. and who do we have to thank? you guessed it; ourselves. yay global warming! now for all you non-global warming people who think its all fake, lets just say ignorance may be bliss but there is a point at which you are a fucking retard. its happening whether you want to believe it or not, its not just some bullshit scare tactic that the government has boiled up, which i guess wouldn't be surprising but its not the case this time. now granted the earth does go into warm and cold periods throughout its time but it doesn't advance this fast. that would be all us. the burning of bullshit and whatnot. although going green, which people should anyway, is kind of helping, but its too late. we have gotten too far into our history without looking into the green light for us to not be effected. the earth's population has grown too much and it continues to grow. within our lifetime we will see the breaking point. the tipping point at which the earth cannot hold its population, there will be not enough food. especially since the climate is going to shit. droughts will destroy any chance of farming. Africa, the us, ans Asia will be of no use as far as farming, the biggest farming areas in the world. the breadbaskets of the world will shift to Canada and Russia. the world will look on at the destruction with empty stomachs. but enough about how we fuck ourselves, back to the destruction of ...well us. ancients say that in the year 2012, which is in three years by the way, the world will end or become unlivable or fuck if we really know, but sit is going to go down in 2012. now i have come up with a hypothesis of how, if it becomes true which it looks like it will, the world will become lets say unlivable. with this global warming thing right on our asses, its going to make things hard to live with. storms systems and weather overall is going to become more dangerous, cause more damage to our cities and land, ruin our farms with droughts, and flood our low lands. hurricanes are going to become more frequent and of higher intensity, not allowing us to recover fom the last. food shortages will scour the world and kill millions. as we progress closer to 2012 the weather will continue to get worse. so with this 2012 may just be the year in which the weather becomes too much for us. that may how we go out. people will continue to die by the hand of weather. we are at the mercy of mother nature, and let me tell you, we have pissed her off. this is just my theory, take it if you like. but it makes sense, complete sense.

Sink Your Teeth In

2009-01-06T23:45:00.000-08:00

walk out into the midnight

and sit with the silence

allow the gentle wind

to calm your nerves

close your dreary eyes and

lie back while you feel

the grass that lies beneath

caress your skin

Guess

2009-01-05T22:55:00.000-08:00

in a row boat in the middle of a lake.

in the middle of a field full of tall grass like in ATU.

in a snow cave.

in the deep, dead forest.

while camping in a tent or outside it

out on the end of a dock of a lake

in a janitors closet or something like that

some random person's apartment

in the pouring rain

on a balcony of the tenth floor

in an elevator

in a castle on the cold stone floor

in a field in the middle of the night under a full moon

in a empty middle of nowhere warehouse

on a piano while someone is playing epic music

backstage of a concert or play while its going on

Hunger for More

2009-01-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

you go to a friends house for dinner. you sit down and have never had what lies before you on the table. you try it. its nasty. you re not a jackass, at least not here, not now. you continue to eat it and you finish your plate. yet you are still hungry. what is it you do next? do you continue to eat it even if you do not like it just because you are still hungry, and it's there now, done for you? or do you say you are full and simply find something else to eat later because you could not have any more of the nasty food. do you take more because of convenience even though its not that great. or do you scour to find food else where at a later time? then ask yourself this; am i talking about food?

Under Your Breath

2008-12-29T18:33:00.000-08:00

if i was to tell you

that i had done something

of horrible proportion

would you want to hear it

if you were to prompt

me to continue

would you be scared

at what i was to tell

would you stand

by my side

take shovel in hand

and bury the truth

or rather would

you take freight

and grab for the phone

for the boys in blue

would you be there

You Could Say Rain

2008-12-29T17:55:00.000-08:00

if love is based on a lie, does it then make that love false or does it simply embrace the spark giving strangers the chance to fall in love again?

because you sleep through a moment, does that mean that the moment did not happen or does it allow you to become the moment through a hypnotic sleep?

if a clock is not in the room, does it mean that time stands still or does it give you a chance to live in the moment?

because the moon is not within the sky does it mean that it has vanished and is not there or does it mean the moon has been given a chance of rebirth?

if a man is singled out because of his thinking is he an outcast or simply the one ahead of the rest?

Death by Time

2008-12-22T23:14:00.000-08:00

let me paint a picture with your blood
streach the canvas around your bones
cover your looks with a stroke of the brush
peal away the layers that cover your colors

melt the ice upon your breast

seven hours with no breath

time stands still for those who wait

and rushes by for those underneath it all

Cannot Hide

2008-12-22T23:11:00.000-08:00

wind causes the moon to shake
hanging alone by its one thread
falling, shattering
the sun looks upon
and cannot hold back
laughter fills the sky
and dampens the leaves
birds loose their height
while the sea begins to swell
tears melt into the sky
painting it a pale color of sorrow

Part of Everywhere

2008-11-21T10:20:00.000-08:00

dead eyes within a fog
bright orbs in the distance
distracted by sounds of night
fading dust reflects the little light

i feel your fingers around my neck

my pulse quickens underneath your viral touch

the cold spreads from your bony fingers

drawing the warmth away from my very blood

leaving my neck chilled allowing the icy frost

to spread throughout the rest of my body

leaving it numb

bells echo off the tiny

blades of grass that

scatter the hillside

droplets form within

the sight of the watchers

of the land

protection can be felt for miles

as the glow is cast upon all

the air holds a majestic silence

that blocks the eerie murmur

of the dark

her green eyes cast against

what enshrouds the body in red

nothing blends with the liquid

that gives life

i walk between the rays of sun

for i shall not get burnt

i walk through the barren wasteland, dead and silent

for the earth in which i call my home

and have walked upon for so many of my years

is now all but dead

Dont Want to Have You Near

2008-11-07T23:36:00.001-08:00

oh how i grow tired of these games. irritated. question after question being investigated by the people who birthed me. annoying. i hate it. how can they not see that I'm more mature than most. i can handle myself when i calls for it. i know where the food is i know how to cook, and more often that not, do it more than they do. i can pull my own weight, i can walk upon my own two feet. denial. they choose or cannot see that i have grown. into something that i am confident in. the constant reminders and "hints" to do something. treat me like a five-year-old they do and i have grown tired of it all. maybe it is they that needs to grow, learn and observe what it is that i am capable of. tired. worn out. done. a child i am not, i don't need parental guidance any longer. i have my own ways, i have learned for myself, i have seen the world., and i choose to look at it differently than you, both of you. I'm ready for me. life. how much longer shall it last, for i will not take it any longer. I'm done. why cannot they let me go. its my life i shall live it how i please. let go.

Far Away

2008-11-07T21:06:00.000-08:00

we all fall once and again

we pick ourselves back up

and choose to start over

it's what written into us

but what happens when

that one fall comes that

is greater than all the others

and we are no longer able

to pick ourselves up

who are we to lean on

when we are all alone

It's For Sure

2008-11-07T16:39:00.000-08:00

if i was to say to you

that we are not the same

how would you react

could you handle it

would you accept the differences

between the two of us

or would you melt down

turn your back on me and run

well here i am

telling you that I'm different

and have come to terms with it

i know nothing else

and now i can face myself

can you

Hold On

2008-11-05T21:08:00.000-08:00

moth that flutters outside the window
confronted by the glass that blocks its path
attracted to the casted light that scatters
over the graves that diffuse into the ground
surrounding trees drip with the blood of the sky
a grotesque sensation fills the grove of the bearing giants
little light reflects off the glassy eyes that watch all

Happened

2008-11-03T22:50:00.000-08:00

gathering wood for what may be
a choice that ruins what we all trust
the slander has been said and taken
trials were all but blind for the accused
truth hidden and fear spread due to views
loved ones cast aside to lie in the mud
awaiting the fate cast at them by the ignorant
pylons constructed to strip lies from flesh
at all costs truth shall be found among the dead

All Before Sunrise

2008-10-29T23:54:00.000-07:00

the midnight moon rises
gives you light
with which you don't need

the deepening dark surrounds
gives you protection
a cover from what you fear

the far off howl marks
the beginning of all you know
the hunt is now to begin

ready your sides
regulate your breathing
for the hunt shall never end

blood shall spill and flesh slashed
they shall fall to the cold ground
leaving the night for our reign

Here We Go

2008-10-29T22:07:00.000-07:00

good evening ladies and gentle men. i am here tonight to let you know what I'm thinking. which i guess is the point of a blog but you know how that goes. just watching TV, on this TLC channel, that if you break it down doesn't really make sense anymore cause you don't learn anything, the learning channel by the way. shows that were given to people who couldn't control when they used any means of birth control. come on people 17 fucking kids, what the fuck is the problem with you. did they think that life was going to be too easy. "hey honey lets have 15 kids so that we never have any food and we might not be able to pay the bills. i mane come on it will make life so much more of a challenge. isn't it going to be fun?" i mean what the hell is that? they like a real challenge or what? did they hope and pray that if they have enough kids they'll land a TV show to pay for everything? i just seem to be missing the point. but wait f you keep reading ill keep going. they you have parents that think that home schooling is gong to be better than sending their kids to school. now in some cases it could, could be a good thing. protecting them from gangs and death and drugs and possibility of getting pregnant, but when you live in a regular neighborhood with a safe environment, once again what the fuck? kids go to school to get a chance to experience things out in the world, saying no to drugs,or saying yes and then learning from that mistake. people learn from their or others mistakes. they learn to survive in this world. what works and what doesn't. if you take those learning experiences away from them, they will never learn. OK well maybe not never, but by the time they do learn its a bit too late and they might find themselves under a bridge somewhere. now there may not be a rule book to parenting but there are some simple spoken guidelines. follow the guidelines and you may not raise a fuck up. granted I'm not a parent and i don't have a child so i may not know what I'm talking about but... its common sense people. i have parents so... i kinda know what its about. I'm sticking to what i have said before, parents are some of the dumbest people out there. they stick to what they know, which is great for them, but when you have your first child, it doesn't work anymore. like i said or did i? you need to adapt, change things that don't work so that it will. come on people its why we are at the fucking top, we adapt. lets go people. go team human! ...fuckin' a. lets keep up the good work.

Nothing But Tears

2008-10-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

it shouldn't be like this

never should be

love replaced with argument

compassion with hate

whats the point

fear, loneliness

what may it be

should have never even come to this

life has much more meaning

than to make arguing a daily routine

life should mean so much more

why does it never stop

Be Ware the Gold on Your Eyes

2008-10-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

it's time to go. doors open and the wind pours in. moon looks over the walkers of night. glowing golden like it knows nothing else. the falling leaves mask the footsteps of strangers. the trail shall hold no bounds to what is to come. the grass sways to the gentle rhythm of the wind. giving the dead of night life. the eerie trees loom overhead casting shadows upon the stone ground. movements can be seen under the glow of the moon. coming closer.

death marches onward. stops at no feat. tempted only by it wants. life cannot escape. it carries silence with it and leaves nothing but destruction in its wake. terrible and haunting. cornered by those that seek life, death has fallen upon the cornered. wrapping their decrepit fingers around their thoughts, they try to speak and cry out. only silence can be heard.

fighting for something that may never be again. parents forced to put their children to bed in times of light. lock them away. protect them. keep them safe or try to. discourage them to look upon the wreckage. curious eyes stare. the sirens will not stop. day and night. safe has lost all meaning. closed and continuously locked doors. blinds drawn past daybreak. contact was broken. nothing could be known. red trucks and white vans missing. protecting ones self to postpone the silence.

and the streets ran red with blood.

Pouring Rain

2008-10-20T23:43:00.000-07:00

the power that we, as humans, hold. it is far too great. why are we alone with this knowledge, this learning ability? we hold power over everything it is that way from our birth, we grow up with it and we take what is ours because we could. we are the supreme being on this planet. we can withstand change. we can learn and adapt to things. we defy gravity and the reaches of man. we can go beyond our own reach and all we think about is more. we want nothing but more. its instinct. we are hardwired to want more, to gain more power more wealth. all so that we can show up the others, it shows our rank, our placement in society. and yet even though we can do this, we can take what we want and have what we want. most people never really stop and think whether we should. to take the air we breathe that which we require to live and tax it so that someone makes money off of it. the water that we drink, the very sole material that we so desperately need, isn't free. when was the world turned into a huge store for someone to make money off of? if you have enough money you can have anything you like. who is there to tell them no? not you nor i. can a balance ever be established? only once our very lives are in immediate danger will that happen. flight or fight. its in our heads. the idea of money has turned us into working zombies. you work because you have to live. how wrong is that. you now need money to live, to breathe, to drink, to eat, to love, to survive. what once was free is no more. we are slaves to work for money to do the most simple thing of all, to live.

Tell What

2008-10-20T23:36:00.000-07:00

when daylight dies

the light within

our own eyes

seems to burn brighter

holding off

the darkness

Worlds Apart

2008-10-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

anger within yourself. filling up inside. caused by another. all i can do is shake my head. there is no need for anger. anger leads to destruction of everything. how do you make the sightless see? how do you allow the mute to speak? how is it i am to preach to the deaf? give guidance to the one that shall not listen? lost causes are the ones worth fighting for. but for it be a lost cause you must first give up hope. not ready am i to give in. many men will be lost. much blood will be spilt. but the battle must continue in order to save the lives that mean the most to you. sacrifice many to save only some.

Sudden Loss

2008-10-14T00:16:00.000-07:00

all i can get out

if the utter

of your name

i lie waiting

all i hear is the

echo of my voice

as the blood escapes

it takes with it

my bodily warmth

i begin to fade

become nothing

but a blur

Frost on the Grass

2008-10-12T21:08:00.000-07:00

i lay within my bed

temporarily dead, motionless

the darkness surrounds me

acts as a blanket

not keeping me warm

but stealing it from my very body

letting in the cold

sending shivers down my spine

reawakening me

Strangers to Fall in Love Again

2008-10-05T00:27:00.000-07:00

collision with the edge of reason, it cuts your flesh. you lie motionless due to the shock that has now taken over your body. blood begins to seep out of the newly acquired laceration that cant be seen. faster does it begin to leak out. cold do you feel as the blood steals the warmth from your very body. an icy hand grabs at your heart from within your chest. squeezing tight, leaving you gasping for air. lungs begin to to burn in the midst of freezing. systems begin to shut down from the overwhelming critical situation as your eyes lie dormant.

Sigh

2008-09-30T15:27:00.001-07:00

and yet i still

sit upon the floor

that has been so

cold and hurtful

now unchained

free and unclaimed

and yet i still sit

motionless on the floor

locked up long enough

and your places to escape to

vanish with your motivation

Tears of Dreams Begin to Fall

2008-09-30T00:30:00.000-07:00

sleep now

for the night

shall not wait

close your eyes

for the darkness

spreads before you

lay still for the mares

of the night cannot

scare if you do not fear

listen not

for it is only the winds

singing gentle lullabies

sleep now

for time shall

not wait for you

Comfort Changes Into Something More

2008-09-30T00:17:00.000-07:00

heart beating faster

under laying hand

breathing quickens

for required air

warmth is shared

between two bodies

closed eyes

mixed with contact

adrenaline flows

taking control

Found You

2008-09-27T23:33:00.000-07:00

the setting of the sun
brings forth the burden
of the darkness
wish shall make
you think of where
you're eyes shall lie
once it arrives

i do it according to myself

it clicks in and rolls

for that's what i do

and by me it works

night begins and your

senses start up

your blood pumps

your eyes widen

hopping to let is what

little light there is for

the hunt has begun

a door slams

in a field of green

kissed by death

that lingers in

the closing shadows

struggling to get out

you're held back by

the cords that keep

your blood flowing

Hello Blankets that Make up my Bed, for I am Your Warmth.

2008-09-26T02:05:00.000-07:00

Hello. Goodbye.
why can not one choose?
Here I am.
There I am.
Back to Here Again.
Everything Goes in a Circle.
Round in Circles.
Seen This Before?
See it Again You Shall.
It's Life.
So Until Then.
I'll Stay in the Now.
Another Time.
Another Place.
More to Come.
The Circle isn't Over quiet Yet.
Goodbye is Hello.
Goodbye for One.
Hello for Another.

Dreams

2008-09-25T21:03:00.000-07:00

a single leaf lies upon

the murky ground

wetted to a point of

transparency by the

falling droplets of water

Crushed

2008-09-25T01:17:00.001-07:00

walking on only toes

you try and sneak

through the halls

in which you use to walk

turn a corner

no one there

another and yet

nothing but absence

make your way

through the maze

that is what you do

all in silence

snag on the rug

your foot catches

everything that you

did to keep silent is gone

Past Gone

2008-09-22T01:01:00.000-07:00

plane ticket out of here wold be great. starting to save. plan it out. have two choices. both lonely. one harder than the other. but then i have to come back if i go there. not allowed to stay. just want peace. but you cant have peace without war. the war shall end soon. its all under my control. as soon as i can get hold of myself. then ill be fine. until then? the tunnel is only getting darker. is there a light at the other end? does it lead anywhere or did the workers stop production of the tunnel before it was completed? i don't know. do you? life is a book. how many chapter will mine have? will it have spin offs? the first 18 chapter have been pretty boring. a broken tree falls in the yard. crushing the grass and smothering the dirt. bitter i have become. arguing and being negative about happiness to others. jealous that i don't have it? maybe. you have one quarter, who are you going to call? its not me. why would it be me? no reason for it. motivation. gone. lost. frozen. when is the play button going to be pressed? head in the past. cant last long. cant see the future when you are looking in the rear view mirror to see the road sign behind you. no point you already passed it. i can speak it. why cant i do it? if you climb the trees. be prepared to fall. gravity always wins. i sit in a grey room. and i have been there before. not a pleasant place to be. gun shot to the head. wrists cut. system full of too many drugs. how did they die? a puzzle it is. twenty-three is number one.

Follow the Red Light

2008-09-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

thinking that you can

put your trust into

people, doesn't mean

that you should

you begin to think

that you know the people

that you choose

to associate with

just then you

will find out that

you were wrong

and you don't even know them

you put your trust

deep within them

tell them your secrets

let them into your head

and that's when

you feel it

a sharp pain

in your back

they take advantage

of you and mess

with your mind

leave you in the dark

you once said that

you would give

your life for them

sacrifice for them

but you never

would think that

they would be the ones

taking it from you

Tiny Dancers of Water

2008-09-18T23:49:00.001-07:00

i don't want to know anyone anymore. i want the music to continue without a beat, yet it doesn't and wont. i want to restart my game. try the level over. no correction shall be made. jut the character that i choose to talk to to see what i may get. nothing good. bubble on the floor of a lake of molten wax. red in color. the smell of matches fills a room, only to cover up the smell of sex. reflective covers hide the eyes of the innocents. a flashing light indicated life while a non existant light provides death. a pain in the neck shows how much you care about you seat. flames are entertainers and will forever dance as long as they have a stage. audience matters not. a piano in the background sets the mood for the death of the piano player. small pictures are hidden upon the roots of the oldest trees. rooms without color hide their meaning. privacy is for secrets. the sound of a baby kills the monarchs in july. over thinking only get you killed. act in the moment and you shall proceed. yellow eyes in the dark are not real when in front of you. the question shouldn't be when, but why not now. eating paper gives you the knowledge of the oldest trees, so old are they. i want to be a different character, can i choose again? i think not. this life is all you get. don't fuck it up. humans are too busy with stupid shit to see the real problems. why cant we fix them now, why wait until the last moment? act now. but wait when you call within the next 5 minutes you get... a long conversation with a automated person from another country in which you cant understand them because of their accent. accents make people hotter, see label for details. dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair? cool wind, desert. no doesn't work. does a lovely place guarantee a lovely time? can time be altered? chemically yes. sweet summer sweat, play on words or just to confuse? kill the beast and when you do, you shall be removed from this altered world. it was too cold to cry. you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. verbal punishment beats psychical punishment. see what i did there. oh the power of a piano. all i have known is gone, make anew i shall have to. close your eyes and feel the cold air on your skin. listen to your breathing and think of the great. have any of them felt this way? i can keep asking. my world will never be the same, and you are to blame. thank you. for everything. for nothing. for all. when you want a candy bar do you wait for your mom to bring you one home, no you go and buy one from the store. don't wait. the moment might pass. a thin layer of wax coats the lake of frost. you may not mind, but i do and its starting to get to me now. born into a world of death and corruption. unless you work in a courtroom, you shouldn't be judging. if atlas is holding the world, where in the world is... carmon san diego, no. where is his body touching the earth? ahhh. hook. line. sinker. we're going down captain. the lower compartments are filling up with water, too much for them to hold, too much for us to stay afloat. wait you're not the captain, where is he? he left 10 minutes ago after he ran the ship into an iceberg. what happened to going down with the ship? i don't think he read that chapter. the milky water becomes a grave. lost. forgotten. gone. never to come back. french vanilla? vanilla doesn't grow in france, what makes it french. that's cheating now the french are just putting their name on things. i mean look at.... holy shit judas, i figured it out. ever since they figured they couldn't claim the world for theirs they started to claim things as theirs, but putting their name on it so we will always be reminded of the french. fries: dead, captured, gone. toast: drowned in milk and egg and stuck with a flag, vanilla: now taken by the french. its all over, and all food related. fatass. harpoon. no ice cream for you. today isn't your day. and go.its almost complete. speeding off an off ramp. we're coming in too fast.....

Progress

2008-09-18T23:49:00.000-07:00

its like a drug
once i get my hands on it
and get it into my system
i get a surge through my body
a sense of power
that takes over

its free, if you know how
all you have to do
is know the right people
or be in the right place
at the right time

i need more
more to quench the craving
the control that it has
over my body, it does
what it pleases to me

so i will forever
need more of it
to complete my feeling
of withdrawals that
overcome my body
letting me know
i need, not want it

Silence Follows

2008-09-18T01:23:00.000-07:00

wish i could start over
not for my mistakes
for they have taught me things
things i would have never
found out any other way

start over to stay away
and choose wisely
of the people i talk to
and get close to
mostly pain it has caused
pain i cant take
pain that eats away at my brain

start over i wish i could
yet I'm stuck on this level
and the only way out
is a game over

everything we do is motivated by something

whether it be money or love or experimentation

we base everything in our lives by a reason

a reason to go left or right, stay or go

not all the reasons are good ones

they lead to pain, letting us learn

what is good and bad, black and white

you can tell what one is really thinking

by the actions they choose to take

or not take, louder than their words they are

the true meaning comes out with an action

Poe in the Field

2008-09-12T00:29:00.000-07:00

Scorpions had it right, there's no one like you
talk we can for hours on end
about nothing at all
jumping from one topic to another
only to fill up time

you found me broken on the side of the road
took me in you did
reconstructed me into something new
someone i didn't know
yet i learned to love them
because deep down it was the true me
and that is how i shall be

i can say i will miss all the times we shared
and still it wont bring you back
nothing can do that, not now
now only digital chats we do have
live with it i have to

there is and will never be another of you
the mold was broken after its first use
one of a kind you are
someone that i can say that i loved
and love forever more, says the raven

Tell it Like it Is

2008-09-11T00:04:00.000-07:00

nothing i can do. i cant let it all out like i would like to. words wont flow, like i have said. i cant be the person i want. i cant do the things i want to. i cant stand up for myself. my life kinda sucks right now. people are leaving. friends are gone. i cant even talk to the one person that i feel comfortable to talk about anything with. its complete, I'm finally a slave in life. all i have left are the thoughts of wanting to do something else, something i want. yet i stand here and do nothing as i watch the slave owners clamp shackles on me. I'm scared for whats to come. i find no enjoyment in what i use to. not conversations. not books. not research. not games. not writing. not music. not singing. I'm broken and the tape wont hold long. I'm going down to a deep dark place i have been before, no not the mines of Moria, but worse, far worse. somewhere i wish never again to see. yet that's where my one stop ticket is leading to. i cant even express how i feel about this right now. i cant find words. tired of life. tired of being sad. i see no point. funny, when you see everyday as beautiful, no matter the weather. use to be happy all the time. was it like a drug? was i bound to crash? is it balance for the universe? this hate is building up inside me, and one day it will blow, erupt, spew. the pressure is building. thought about many things recently to cause a game over. waste my last life? don't know. don't know. end of transmission

Far From Here

2008-09-10T23:36:00.000-07:00

how long does one have to wait. wait for a time that may never come? life is in your hands, to change and create how you want it to be. yet what happens if you have no motivation to change, while the world around you does. everything you have ever known, changing forever. never to be the same. what happens then? end? my life is an hourglass on the edge of a table. anything has the poser to push it off. allowing gravity to take hold and bring it crashing to the ground. what is there to stop it, when the room you are in is empty? what meaning is there to fulfill a life that is empty, feels cold, and dark. is there to be hope? is there a saviour? anyone? am i to wonder this planet alone, until i meet new people so that they can change and leave too? what purpose does that have? tape can only hold together broken pieces for so long. then once again it break apart in your hands. something that shall continue on through life. people change, why cant i? why cant i grow? my body ages yet my mind is here, stuck in time. motionless. what meaning is there? I'm broken and the tape isn't holding.

There's a Reason I'll Be There

2008-09-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

write i cannot, nothing will flow from my creativeness. try i do, yet the paper continues to be blank. no words, no scribbles. the river of words cannot flow without a heavy downpour of creative. so here i am, waiting, sitting. imagine that, a regular post, regular as in the generalization of a blog post. no normal for me. so i guess that makes it abnormal. even tried to create the next art piece to my personal canvas, but nothing gets out. i guess i closed the gate finally, and you know, i don't like it. if you design something, then you alone are the person to know its mistakes. motivation is also something that i currently lack, also not too happy about that. Billy Mac is staring at me from above, thanks miss capp. covering of my walls is pretty good, i like it, which is good cause i live here. masturbating alligators. scabbed over it has, still a bit tender, looks like dried clay upon my skin, yet black. miss sports games i do, miss the whole atmosphere. when shall i go back to see what they really have to work with, not sure. not going to go well, not a great team to create such a kick ass book. no one can top my pics, I'm 3 for 3 bitches, 2 national and 1 state. id say that's pretty damn good. time stopper i am, was, will be again. but now i have nothing. have to work my way back up. but the story begins when i say, when I'm ready. don't know when that will be, hopefully not long. my life as a whole is at a stand still, well most of it. not new interests, no further research on topics, everything has come to a halt. all but work. the has taken a step forward. yeah i guess. just means more work. but i can do it. comrades have left for others and education calls to them. embark on that journey they must. not my time. later it shall be. drop off the face of the map would be fun, Europe or Alaska? Europe is a huge change of pace. different culture would be great, ours isn't too great. and historicalyits horrible, fuck the Indians. found out i have some in me. they built huts, Romans built monuments to the gods, to government, to live. Europe it is for now, then later Alaska, in a cabin. just me. alone. solitude. nature. green and blue. night and day. to do what i will. rules i shall make. but that's way later. not now. not even close. only sing when I'm happy or in happy mood. people say I'm good. deaf are they? or is it me that is the deaf one? wish i could write lyrics. be nice. po-ta-to boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. have any of them felt this way? cant be alone with this, all different at different times. confessed the truth, feels great, lets people know you. gets you out there. but confess the secrets? no, cant. hate this desk i do. broken and covered in finder prints. wood is better, warmer. tears of blood fall from the eye. adhesive still stuck to my arm. wont come off. nothing will make it leave to find another place of residency. almost gone it is. when the lights go out, ill be ready. protection for myself i have. have the duty to call upon the others and create a clan. for protection against the forces. plans we have for the worst. me a leader? cant see it, yet i can. grown i have, taken over more. if no one will step up i shall. congregation of families to go to the one place we shall be safe. from the evil. with protection at our sides. tasks everyone shall have, to create a full village. jobs everyone shall have to sustain life out there. when shall the sun begin to rise over the horizon? when shall that day come? now i am in darkness, eyes open and covered still in darkness. just me? for now. crawl out i shall, but when shall the end of the tunnel come? cannot see the end. ill continue. i wish to see the light once more, one day it shall come. and i will once again fee the warmth upon my face. ships to carry you home. turn to silver glass. i need to get out of my room. stop being so isolated. i don't know any news, no time, no date. information i seek. informed i shall become again. i shall rise up. turning mistakes into gold. yet mistakes i haven't any. i guess you can only make mistakes if you take chances, get dirty. live. waste not what i have anymore. get the fuck on the bandwagon i shall. to live again. for me. myself. what i want. how i want it. but the question is, will you be there? i hope so, cause we all need a shoulder to lean on. everyone. how long will i have to climb my mountain? don't know. get to the top when i do. and a sight it shall be. get my head out of the sound i need to. and i shall. takes time. i have plenty of time. no one can say otherwise. force me to do anything i dare you to do. see how well that works for you. do the things i want. no matter how useless. Russian. German. Greek. cooking knowledge. history. writing style. the more i know the more i love. you don't like it, doesn't matter. its my life. i control it. never anyone else. ever. its mine to reign over. long live me! and rule i shall. learn forever more, anything and everything. nothing is pointless. everything has a meaning, just need to find it. call me what you will. i care not. i am me, and that wont change. for no one. cause? mine? to live. make what i can of life. fill my memory with happiness, love, people and places. it shall never end. so here i begin. begin to make anew. a new page. a new chapter. with fresh ink and a crisp page i begin. for you know, life is but a book to be written by its author, you.

Home, Where I Wanted to Go

2008-09-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

there is a great reason why your friends are your friends. you get along with them, you live with them, you do everything with them. you can trust them, you can love them, you can talk to them.you find things in common with them, you grow closer to them than anyone. they are people you can fall back on when you fall hard, when you need a shoulder to cry on. that is the reason for friends. boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. you meet them, you chat with them, you get to know each other for one reason, for love. to never be lonely at night. to fill you with warmth. a relationship will never last forever, people change and people leave. if you push all your friends away, then who are you to fall back on? who is it that is going to help you back up? we all fall, why, to learn to pick ourselves back up. but when there is no one to give you a hand up, what meaning is there? life takes help, encouragement, and most of all friendship to get you through the hard times we all go through.

What Can You See?

2008-09-08T23:19:00.000-07:00

stand in the rain

and it shall wash me away

as if made of nothing but sand

each grain to be encased in water

to flow away to reach another land

so there it may have the opportunity

to rebuild itself and make anew

Ink on the Canvas

2008-09-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

my canvas was itching

to become what it wanted

time it took for the design

and came out sharp it did

pencil and paper was done

the sketch was complete

the canvas was itching for it

the next step was the ink

to make it permanent

forever lasting upon me

my canvas needed it feel

to be able to be closer

closer to completion

was within my power

between lips it escaped

the confirmation between think and do

my canvas sits before me

staring me back in my eye

a power grin upon my face

my canvas has been stained

a marking has been left

for the many years to come

shown upon me, my canvas

for any who wish to see

thoughts that linger

call upon empty spaces

filled they shall be

in the coming time

A Novel

2008-09-05T00:39:00.001-07:00

if something out of nowhere were to happen to me tomorrow, would i still linger in your head? what is it i have accomplished that has the power to engrave itself into your head? what is it i have done that is so special? life is random and can choose at anytime to rid of any of us. so will you remember me, will you cry over a "loss" or will you be like any other person on this world and continue to live? what will you have to remember me by? a memory, a thought, a smile on the street, service in a store? life may pass but can we be remembered?

What it Was is No More

2008-09-04T23:56:00.000-07:00

"Me and all my friends, we're all misunderstood, they say we stand for nothing and there's no way we ever could" John Mayer

we were drawn together

from all over the map

one by one we did meet

and what meetings they were

we all became close and

our evenings became full

memories began to grow

bonds were written

upon the stony earth we

walk upon all together

by slip of mouth

a name was created

and it shall

never be forgotten

names were thrown around

within and ended up sticking

outside speculations arose

and judgement had happened

words began to escalate

into unspeakable profane hurt

and the periods of congregation

grew forever further apart

in our wake things

shall be remembered

songs and videos

late nights and sugar galore

times of adventure and surprise

talk mixed with no sleep

the conversations and games

that knew no bounds

forever shall we all remember

forever shall we converse

upon the memories of friendship

Long Live the Facakes

Help! I Need Somebody

2008-09-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

its happening again, I'm loosing myself

i cant stop it, i have no hand in it

but why cant i, its my life

do i choose this for myself

or is there a deeper meaning

meaning or not, its still happening

yet again i am slipping away

away from the ones i love

the ones i care about

and love to be around

i don't know what to do anymore

i have nothing

i wish to do nothing

i find no motivation to do anything

not read, not create not even write

music no longer holds its sway upon me

and it all saddens me

alone i feel and too lost

to even recover from this

deep dark abyss that i now slumber in

Kapitel eins oder fünf?

2008-09-02T19:48:00.000-07:00

who are you?

names are of no importance, but on the other hand, names we give ourselves reflect us more than ever. so therefore I an known as the Boss.

OK, what do you want?

i want you to be here at the date and time specified, don't miss it.

the Boss hands her a card

why should i?

why shouldn't you, chance of a lifetime, you only see it once.

looking at the card, the Boss disappears before she can ask the Boss anything more

-----------------------------

sitting at a table cluttered with guns, a man works on cleaning one of many, a woman walks in

hey Boss

we will be having a new addition to our duo. i want you to meet them outside when they get here and then show them around. tell them nothing of what we do, you know the code.

we're expanding?

yes, will make things easier on us both.

OK, and if they start asking questions?

make something up, you're good at that.

a smirk erupts on his face as the Boss walks out of the room

----------------------------

walking outside, the man stands around waiting for the person to show up. a giant empty lot surrounds the house, and there isn't a living soul around for miles

fuck it's hot out here and i forgot my sunglasses,...oh well.

a woman walks around the corner with nothing but a bag over her shoulder

excuse me, do you know where....

this damn heat better leave soon, it's no good for anyone, i mean.....

HEY! you know where this is?

my mistake, wasn't paying attention. welcome, although i didn't think that i was waiting for a woman.

you got a problem with that? cause i don't need you to waste my time.

well you're straight down to business aren't you, that will save time and come in useful

listen, I'm looking for someone who goes by the name Boss, gave me this card and told me to be here, well...now.

and here i am, taking the time to welcome you. I'm Weasel and, you ready for this cause here it comes, welcome... to the Fortress.

I'm Gust.... and i believe thats all you need to know. that mustang over there run?

i take it you're a car person at least?

all my life.

very useful indeed. no it doesn't, not for a long time. but why need it... when you have what we got.

what is it that you have?

why don't we start at the beginning,... let me show you around.

Chapter 4

2008-08-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

walking thought the castle style hallways. its lighted by lantern looking lights on the wall.

(singing) she's well acquainted with the touch of a velvet hand like a lizard on a window pane, the man in the crowd with the multi-colored mirrors on his hot male boots.....(end singing) you a fan of the Beatles,...a victim?

my name's...

that's just great, not important

..well i guess they're not bad. did you say something about tests?

tested, yes. why, not that a totally different question to which you haven't even come close to asking, i can see it in your eyes

...see it in my eyes. unless you have eyes in the back...

of my head? no, I'm not alien. you'll learn

whatever... you say. ill go with it at this point

given in have you? so soon, shame. now we'll have to feed you to the hungry cannibal kid in the basement

...what?!... your joking right?

that's the funny part, you'll never know

why is everything about this place so secretive?

well, if we all didn't have our dirty little secrets, where would we be? you will find out just exactly what you need to know... just... not yet.

Weasel pushes open an iron door and holds it for the victim to enter. slamming the door behind him he locks it from the outside.

good luck, let the game begin.

Weasel opens a peep hole and talks to the victim through it.

oh and remember не слушайте никого и Вас, wil находят ваш выход

wait! what did you say?

if there is one thing i hate, its repeating myself after i have just said what i mean to. told you that once before, you should have been listening. have fun!

but i don't understand what you said!

fading out due to walking away from the door, the victim is left in silence.

(singing) oh don't you know that happiness, is a warm gun. happiness is a warm gun....(end singing)

before the victim lies a hallway that leads to yet another hallway; a maze. all the walls look alike and there are no indications that can be seen anywhere to determine if he has been there before. all the walls are too high to climb, and hallways too wide to shimmy up.

are you fucking kidding me right now? its like i signed up for some sick fun house bullshit.

good evening. it is advised you watch your language, the Boss isn't one for such a foul mouth. i suggest you begin, because with each passing moment, the lights will begin to fade. good luck.

but Weasel told me that i wouldn't be needing the flashlight anymore

you shouldn't need it, but then again it might have been useful. Weasel has been known to make things for the victims a bit... harder. so there's your warning. now begin.

Don't Recall Writing This, Yet Here It Is

2008-08-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

how long can one man
stand by means
of his own strength
before he caves
his legs buckle and
he begins to fall to
the dreary gray earth
on which he stands

quiet whispers can

be heard through

the overbearing noise

what is it they tell you

have they more to say

Four Legs and a Tail

2008-08-29T13:40:00.001-07:00

i hate how they follow you around

i hate the way they smell

i hate all the sounds they make

i hate how you have to take care of them

i hate how they ruin your plan to leave the house

i hate how they leave hair everywhere

i hate how you have to pick up after them

i hate how you have to clean up after them

i hate how they lick you

i hate how they don't listen

i hate almost everything about them

i hate how they waste your money

i hate how they jump up on you

loyal companion, yes

worse than a kid, yes

worth it, once

Don't Let Me Down

2008-08-28T16:27:00.000-07:00

Suicidal kings sit upon decomposing horses. Staring at their destroyed land delt by their own hand. Crumbling foundations lie beneath their castles, soon to be crushed under the lies within.

Blood queens lay in a bed of metal, hiding from their age. Rapped of their innocence and blamed for it.

Jesters endlessly star into the fire searching for an ounce of entertainment. Finding not but a smirk, they resort to shouting 'off with their heads!' while looking in a mirror.

Let Me Be

2008-08-20T00:47:00.000-07:00

let me lay and listen

to the rain outside my window

i wish to hear it pelt the rooftop

and every leaf that lies in its way

falling from the heights above

let me drift to sleep

to its gentle rhythm

as the hours pass and

the night grows darker

cover me not

for i wish to feel

the cool breeze of moisture

upon my naked skin

wake me you shall not

for i slumber upon a dream

that i dare not shatter