Concealed

a broken clock on the sidewalk. the shattered glass reflects the sunlight as best it still can. still hands create still time. is anything moving? broken friendships create pain within. it isn't what i or any of us wanted. but do we even know what we do want? how sure can we be that this isn't what we wanted? we go by our feelings. pain, happiness, fear, love. its what we all feel. its what we all make our decisions by. can they be trusted? can we entrust our lives within how they make us feel?

For a Weekend

i see a burning cigarette in the middle of the road. the setting sun casts a shadow making the smoke barley visible. the asphalt that it rests upon is stained by the mark of man with its yellow and white, glittering in the fading sunlight.

stopping at a stoplight, i see a flickering fed hand. when shall it finally die? how much longer does it have, does it know? the man stopped by the flickering light, leans upon the light post, waiting for the changing light.

pulling a bag out of the trunk, i pull my phone out of my pocket to inform my mother that i have arrived at my destination safely, like always. looking up i connect eyes with an elderly woman walking her dog. i smile. she looks away. what has the world come to?

i walk thought the artificially lighted hallway past doors to the other parking lot. back in the sunlight, it reflects off the beads of sweat it has created that run down my brow. wiping it away with my sleeve, a man is loading wooden chairs into the back of his truck, i assume its his.

i look up the stairs and try to imagine what it is that will come. what it is that will come within the next hours, days, years. i am always thinking of my future and who will be in it.

i am the result of a destroyed marriage. i am the outcome. i am stuck in the middle.

Looking Into the Darkness, I Take a Step Forward

this if for all the assholes, the lovers, the fighters, the complainers, the drama queens and mainly friends.

we grow up learning from our parents, what they teach us. the line between right and wrong. what is just and unjust. they try to mold us into perfect beings for society. but we all know that doesn't work. the teenage years hit and we begin to think for ourselves. we find things out the hard was, we go against their words. we go behind their backs to discover ourselves. but we are not alone. forging that river with us are our friends, people who we find comfort in. people we can tell anything to, no matter how ugly the secret is. we cry, we laugh, we live.

time progresses on and there may be casualties but new recruits are always coming. we grow fonder of each other and spend more time with them, living with them, sharing moments together. moments that we will never forget, for they make up our lives.

then something happens. we start to change, all of us. we listen to the shit people talk about us behind our backs from a third party and it hurts. we seek revenge. and argument breaks out and we say the friendship is over. but we know that it has grown too deep over the years, we know its not over deep down. we continue life.

we eventually learn that people lie, they cheat to get ahead in life. it hurts when that becomes part of our story. it weakens our friendships, but mainly because we let it. we let it get to our heads. we start fights and begin to avoid people because we seam to be tired of them. but deep down, we'll miss them if they leave. we shared moments together that make up our lives. that's a bond that cannot be forgotten.

this is the life of a teenager. we let things get to our head. it drives us crazy and we make decisions based on those lies and cheats, because we let them get the better of us.

so until we can grow the fuck up and leave the bullshit drama behind. I'll and others will be waiting. for you to find yourself. for sally over there to stop spreading rumors to make herself feel better. for bob to stop treating people like an asshole. for us all to stop the drama, and take control of our lives. but until then we shall wait. wait for time to tick onward. there is nothing that we can do, until that moment comes. the moment that we realize that we have all been a huge group of dipshits for ruining our friendships, our moments, our lives.

so maybe one day, when we are grown. we'll be able to see what life is about. and how these little snags in life are part of fucking life, and no matter how bad we don't want them to come, we realize that we have no choice. they will come. they strengthen us. make us wiser. prepare us for the future, no matter what it may be. but until then, the drama shall rule. and in the end, we will look back and regret it. regret it getting to us.

so i say live for today. if you trip and drop your book in the puddle, pick it up and dry it out. continue writing, the pages are never ending and the ink is forever lasting. care not about the looks from strangers, care about the words that come from the tongues of your trusted friends. fuck the drama, no one needs it. fucking get along. this bullshit that is in all of our lives isn't worth even glancing at.

Truth Betold

i hate stupid people
i love driving in fog
i love the sensation of cleaning my ears
i cant use a towel if i know or even think that someone else used it
i hate people who have to always put you down to make themselves feel better
i love the sensation of really cold water
I'm super tired of every one's bullshit
love the way that music can change my mood, sometimes
i don't know how to comfort someone when they cry, it makes me feel awkward
I'm super fascinated with murder, killings, serial killers and death
before i can eat my cereal i have to make sure that ever piece has been dunked in the milk
i would love to be a high school teacher
i am picky about where i can get my tattoo(s) because i don't like them to be in a place where hair grows because i think it makes the tattoo look bad
after i read a message, i have to delete it
i wish my hair was the slightest bit curly or rather wavy
i think that the moon is very powerful, it represents so much
i don't like to lend my stuff out because I'm over protective of it
i like to lay in bed and just watch the second hand go by
i don't know what to think about people anymore
i don't like bright colors, I'm a dark person with dark interests
i love to sleep on top of the covers so that i can feel the cool breeze at night
during the winter i have to have a lot of blankets on my bed because i like the weight and the great amount of warmth
i hate being licked by anything
I'm an atheist and i think its funny when my family tries to understand that
i think that slapping a girls ass is disrespectful, even if they know its all in fun and game
i don't think that everything is solved by taking a pill or going to the doctor
i hate the native American culture and i really don't know why
i don't like being clean shaven but i also don't like when it gets too long a few, one - two days is best
fingernails that go below the actual fingertip creep me out
i hate the words "pussy" and "fag" or "faggot" and find them offencive and I'm not sure why

Cycle

can life start over? can we take the life that is ours and begin again? more rather not being born again but everything else, just beginning again? you drop your current life, your friends, you job or lack there of, bank accounts, residence. can you really just leave it all behind? leaving it and relocating somewhere where no one knows you, never even heard of you. you get a new name, house, job and car. you then begin to make friends that you relate to. and the cycle begins again. you start fresh. but why do it? did you mess up in the past cycle, something that you have to try again? did someone hurt you or did you hurt them and you just want to run from either the pain or the guilt. or is it that you just get tired of the same old shit, the same old shit that tires you and you have no want for. you want to start over and try something else. a new strategy. see how you can change your life into something different. a different pace. something with style or lack of it. yet what good can it do to run? will it keep you up at night that you might have ruined someone elses life by vanishing? not even keeping contact. ruin their thought that they could have gotten with you because they loved your eyes, the way you looked at them. just to vanish and become part of a fantasy. will it help, running? to start the cycle over again? or will the same flaws come up and ruin your chance to be happy? what if its your flaws that you cant run from but you still try, don't you? maybe this time it will work.

Dead Jelly

i hate when people try to talk to me through the bathroom door


sitting around a campfire with friends is one of my most favourite things


i like the looks of words spelt the English way


i really like my shoes


calves are one of the top most things of the body that turn me on


i hate people who complain all the time


i love everything to do with the ocean


when i bend my arms and put my elbows together, it looks like a t-rex


in 8th grade, before i moved, i sat at a table all by myself everyday until i moved


saving my money is slightly hard


i wish my sister was a boy, so i could have a brother instead


i hate anything cinnamon flavored


it boggles my mind on how the body works


I'm going to get at least six tattoos and none of them will have color or shading


i cherish my friends cause i don't want to loose them, like i did with my other friends before i moved but wasn't caused by moving


sometimes i wish i could just live, but i have to control things


i like to chop wood


i love to run my fingers through my hair


i don't like to sleep without a shirt on and hate sleeping with socks on


i hate when people have sex with only their socks on


i don't like ac/dc


i love shadows


i want to grow up but i don't know the next step


i hate the military and everything it stands for


i wish i could orgasm because of listening to a song

She's So.....

i hate being sweaty with a burning passion

i hate talking on the phone even if its to call my friends

i don't answer my phone if i don't feel like doing anything but what i am at that moment

i hate mowing the lawn and would do almost anything to get out of doing it

i sometimes want to get shot and stabbed just to see what it feels like, even if its by my own hand

i sometimes want to buzz my head to get rid of my hair cause i get annoyed with it

i hate all sounds a dog makes

i hate the sound of breathing

i hate when people remind me to do something over and over again even if i will forget

i hate the heat

i hate having long fingernails

i love taking cold showers

i don't like to take my shirt off because I'm not comfortable with the way i look

i think tattoos are hot

Alicia is right, smoking does make you look hot/badass

i don't think you can love too much

if i had more courage and a nonchalant attitude, i would be a nudist

i take pride in what i make

if i miss a call, i don't call them back if i don't want to talk to them

i wish i could go back to high school for one more year, i miss it that much

i want to get into a physical fight with a girl then make love after

i tap my fingers because i pretend I'm playing the piano

sometimes i sit on myspace and just wait for a message, whether its coming or not

i hate it when people try to control children and make them do what the older people want to do

i don't like having long hair

i hate light colored shirts, nothing lighter than grey

i lie sometimes about little things to try and impress people, wish i didn't

I'm having trouble sleeping and its pissing my off cause all i want to do is sleep

when i get super angry i cant control myself and i get really destructive

i get attached to things too easily and i wish that i didn't

i could live out in the woods, but i would need someone to talk to

i hate being inside on a nice day, but i do nothing about it

i like to sing along or by my self because it relaxes me

i think its really cool when me and my friends sing the guy and girl parts in songs. stripped, happiness is a warm gun, and elephant love melody are the best for that

i don't like the look of 3d letters on something that is 2d

our country thinks as things as taboo way too much

i wish i could forget things

i really badly wish that i had more motivation for anything

i hate people who try and control the other in a relationship

i get pissed off really easily

I'm super bad at spelling

i try and dig for the answer even if i don't want to know

sometimes i wish that we could all break out in song and dance

i like the looks of writing in all caps