Past Gone

plane ticket out of here wold be great. starting to save. plan it out. have two choices. both lonely. one harder than the other. but then i have to come back if i go there. not allowed to stay. just want peace. but you cant have peace without war. the war shall end soon. its all under my control. as soon as i can get hold of myself. then ill be fine. until then? the tunnel is only getting darker. is there a light at the other end? does it lead anywhere or did the workers stop production of the tunnel before it was completed? i don't know. do you? life is a book. how many chapter will mine have? will it have spin offs? the first 18 chapter have been pretty boring. a broken tree falls in the yard. crushing the grass and smothering the dirt. bitter i have become. arguing and being negative about happiness to others. jealous that i don't have it? maybe. you have one quarter, who are you going to call? its not me. why would it be me? no reason for it. motivation. gone. lost. frozen. when is the play button going to be pressed? head in the past. cant last long. cant see the future when you are looking in the rear view mirror to see the road sign behind you. no point you already passed it. i can speak it. why cant i do it? if you climb the trees. be prepared to fall. gravity always wins. i sit in a grey room. and i have been there before. not a pleasant place to be. gun shot to the head. wrists cut. system full of too many drugs. how did they die? a puzzle it is. twenty-three is number one.