Under Your Breath

if i was to tell you

that i had done something

of horrible proportion

would you want to hear it

if you were to prompt

me to continue

would you be scared

at what i was to tell

would you stand

by my side

take shovel in hand

and bury the truth

or rather would

you take freight

and grab for the phone

for the boys in blue

would you be there

You Could Say Rain

if love is based on a lie, does it then make that love false or does it simply embrace the spark giving strangers the chance to fall in love again?

because you sleep through a moment, does that mean that the moment did not happen or does it allow you to become the moment through a hypnotic sleep?

if a clock is not in the room, does it mean that time stands still or does it give you a chance to live in the moment?

because the moon is not within the sky does it mean that it has vanished and is not there or does it mean the moon has been given a chance of rebirth?

if a man is singled out because of his thinking is he an outcast or simply the one ahead of the rest?

Death by Time

let me paint a picture with your blood
streach the canvas around your bones
cover your looks with a stroke of the brush
peal away the layers that cover your colors

melt the ice upon your breast

seven hours with no breath

time stands still for those who wait

and rushes by for those underneath it all

Cannot Hide

wind causes the moon to shake
hanging alone by its one thread
falling, shattering
the sun looks upon
and cannot hold back
laughter fills the sky
and dampens the leaves
birds loose their height
while the sea begins to swell
tears melt into the sky
painting it a pale color of sorrow

Part of Everywhere

dead eyes within a fog
bright orbs in the distance
distracted by sounds of night
fading dust reflects the little light

i feel your fingers around my neck

my pulse quickens underneath your viral touch

the cold spreads from your bony fingers

drawing the warmth away from my very blood

leaving my neck chilled allowing the icy frost

to spread throughout the rest of my body

leaving it numb

bells echo off the tiny

blades of grass that

scatter the hillside

droplets form within

the sight of the watchers

of the land

protection can be felt for miles

as the glow is cast upon all

the air holds a majestic silence

that blocks the eerie murmur

of the dark

her green eyes cast against

what enshrouds the body in red

nothing blends with the liquid

that gives life

i walk between the rays of sun

for i shall not get burnt

i walk through the barren wasteland, dead and silent

for the earth in which i call my home

and have walked upon for so many of my years

is now all but dead

Dont Want to Have You Near

oh how i grow tired of these games. irritated. question after question being investigated by the people who birthed me. annoying. i hate it. how can they not see that I'm more mature than most. i can handle myself when i calls for it. i know where the food is i know how to cook, and more often that not, do it more than they do. i can pull my own weight, i can walk upon my own two feet. denial. they choose or cannot see that i have grown. into something that i am confident in. the constant reminders and "hints" to do something. treat me like a five-year-old they do and i have grown tired of it all. maybe it is they that needs to grow, learn and observe what it is that i am capable of. tired. worn out. done. a child i am not, i don't need parental guidance any longer. i have my own ways, i have learned for myself, i have seen the world., and i choose to look at it differently than you, both of you. I'm ready for me. life. how much longer shall it last, for i will not take it any longer. I'm done. why cannot they let me go. its my life i shall live it how i please. let go.

Far Away

we all fall once and again

we pick ourselves back up

and choose to start over

it's what written into us

but what happens when

that one fall comes that

is greater than all the others

and we are no longer able

to pick ourselves up

who are we to lean on

when we are all alone

It's For Sure

if i was to say to you

that we are not the same

how would you react

could you handle it

would you accept the differences

between the two of us

or would you melt down

turn your back on me and run

well here i am

telling you that I'm different

and have come to terms with it

i know nothing else

and now i can face myself

can you

Hold On

moth that flutters outside the window
confronted by the glass that blocks its path
attracted to the casted light that scatters
over the graves that diffuse into the ground
surrounding trees drip with the blood of the sky
a grotesque sensation fills the grove of the bearing giants
little light reflects off the glassy eyes that watch all

Happened

gathering wood for what may be
a choice that ruins what we all trust
the slander has been said and taken
trials were all but blind for the accused
truth hidden and fear spread due to views
loved ones cast aside to lie in the mud
awaiting the fate cast at them by the ignorant
pylons constructed to strip lies from flesh
at all costs truth shall be found among the dead

All Before Sunrise

the midnight moon rises
gives you light
with which you don't need

the deepening dark surrounds
gives you protection
a cover from what you fear

the far off howl marks
the beginning of all you know
the hunt is now to begin

ready your sides
regulate your breathing
for the hunt shall never end

blood shall spill and flesh slashed
they shall fall to the cold ground
leaving the night for our reign

Here We Go

good evening ladies and gentle men. i am here tonight to let you know what I'm thinking. which i guess is the point of a blog but you know how that goes. just watching TV, on this TLC channel, that if you break it down doesn't really make sense anymore cause you don't learn anything, the learning channel by the way. shows that were given to people who couldn't control when they used any means of birth control. come on people 17 fucking kids, what the fuck is the problem with you. did they think that life was going to be too easy. "hey honey lets have 15 kids so that we never have any food and we might not be able to pay the bills. i mane come on it will make life so much more of a challenge. isn't it going to be fun?" i mean what the hell is that? they like a real challenge or what? did they hope and pray that if they have enough kids they'll land a TV show to pay for everything? i just seem to be missing the point. but wait f you keep reading ill keep going. they you have parents that think that home schooling is gong to be better than sending their kids to school. now in some cases it could, could be a good thing. protecting them from gangs and death and drugs and possibility of getting pregnant, but when you live in a regular neighborhood with a safe environment, once again what the fuck? kids go to school to get a chance to experience things out in the world, saying no to drugs,or saying yes and then learning from that mistake. people learn from their or others mistakes. they learn to survive in this world. what works and what doesn't. if you take those learning experiences away from them, they will never learn. OK well maybe not never, but by the time they do learn its a bit too late and they might find themselves under a bridge somewhere. now there may not be a rule book to parenting but there are some simple spoken guidelines. follow the guidelines and you may not raise a fuck up. granted I'm not a parent and i don't have a child so i may not know what I'm talking about but... its common sense people. i have parents so... i kinda know what its about. I'm sticking to what i have said before, parents are some of the dumbest people out there. they stick to what they know, which is great for them, but when you have your first child, it doesn't work anymore. like i said or did i? you need to adapt, change things that don't work so that it will. come on people its why we are at the fucking top, we adapt. lets go people. go team human! ...fuckin' a. lets keep up the good work.

Nothing But Tears

it shouldn't be like this

never should be

love replaced with argument

compassion with hate

whats the point

fear, loneliness

what may it be

should have never even come to this

life has much more meaning

than to make arguing a daily routine

life should mean so much more

why does it never stop

Be Ware the Gold on Your Eyes

it's time to go. doors open and the wind pours in. moon looks over the walkers of night. glowing golden like it knows nothing else. the falling leaves mask the footsteps of strangers. the trail shall hold no bounds to what is to come. the grass sways to the gentle rhythm of the wind. giving the dead of night life. the eerie trees loom overhead casting shadows upon the stone ground. movements can be seen under the glow of the moon. coming closer.

death marches onward. stops at no feat. tempted only by it wants. life cannot escape. it carries silence with it and leaves nothing but destruction in its wake. terrible and haunting. cornered by those that seek life, death has fallen upon the cornered. wrapping their decrepit fingers around their thoughts, they try to speak and cry out. only silence can be heard.

fighting for something that may never be again. parents forced to put their children to bed in times of light. lock them away. protect them. keep them safe or try to. discourage them to look upon the wreckage. curious eyes stare. the sirens will not stop. day and night. safe has lost all meaning. closed and continuously locked doors. blinds drawn past daybreak. contact was broken. nothing could be known. red trucks and white vans missing. protecting ones self to postpone the silence.

and the streets ran red with blood.

Pouring Rain

the power that we, as humans, hold. it is far too great. why are we alone with this knowledge, this learning ability? we hold power over everything it is that way from our birth, we grow up with it and we take what is ours because we could. we are the supreme being on this planet. we can withstand change. we can learn and adapt to things. we defy gravity and the reaches of man. we can go beyond our own reach and all we think about is more. we want nothing but more. its instinct. we are hardwired to want more, to gain more power more wealth. all so that we can show up the others, it shows our rank, our placement in society. and yet even though we can do this, we can take what we want and have what we want. most people never really stop and think whether we should. to take the air we breathe that which we require to live and tax it so that someone makes money off of it. the water that we drink, the very sole material that we so desperately need, isn't free. when was the world turned into a huge store for someone to make money off of? if you have enough money you can have anything you like. who is there to tell them no? not you nor i. can a balance ever be established? only once our very lives are in immediate danger will that happen. flight or fight. its in our heads. the idea of money has turned us into working zombies. you work because you have to live. how wrong is that. you now need money to live, to breathe, to drink, to eat, to love, to survive. what once was free is no more. we are slaves to work for money to do the most simple thing of all, to live.

Tell What

when daylight dies

the light within

our own eyes

seems to burn brighter

holding off

the darkness

Worlds Apart

anger within yourself. filling up inside. caused by another. all i can do is shake my head. there is no need for anger. anger leads to destruction of everything. how do you make the sightless see? how do you allow the mute to speak? how is it i am to preach to the deaf? give guidance to the one that shall not listen? lost causes are the ones worth fighting for. but for it be a lost cause you must first give up hope. not ready am i to give in. many men will be lost. much blood will be spilt. but the battle must continue in order to save the lives that mean the most to you. sacrifice many to save only some.

Sudden Loss

all i can get out

if the utter

of your name

i lie waiting

all i hear is the

echo of my voice

as the blood escapes

it takes with it

my bodily warmth

i begin to fade

become nothing

but a blur

Frost on the Grass

i lay within my bed

temporarily dead, motionless

the darkness surrounds me

acts as a blanket

not keeping me warm

but stealing it from my very body

letting in the cold

sending shivers down my spine

reawakening me

Strangers to Fall in Love Again

collision with the edge of reason, it cuts your flesh. you lie motionless due to the shock that has now taken over your body. blood begins to seep out of the newly acquired laceration that cant be seen. faster does it begin to leak out. cold do you feel as the blood steals the warmth from your very body. an icy hand grabs at your heart from within your chest. squeezing tight, leaving you gasping for air. lungs begin to to burn in the midst of freezing. systems begin to shut down from the overwhelming critical situation as your eyes lie dormant.

Sigh

and yet i still

sit upon the floor

that has been so

cold and hurtful

now unchained

free and unclaimed

and yet i still sit

motionless on the floor

locked up long enough

and your places to escape to

vanish with your motivation

Tears of Dreams Begin to Fall

sleep now

for the night

shall not wait

close your eyes

for the darkness

spreads before you

lay still for the mares

of the night cannot

scare if you do not fear

listen not

for it is only the winds

singing gentle lullabies

sleep now

for time shall

not wait for you

Comfort Changes Into Something More

heart beating faster

under laying hand

breathing quickens

for required air

warmth is shared

between two bodies

closed eyes

mixed with contact

adrenaline flows

taking control

Found You

the setting of the sun
brings forth the burden
of the darkness
wish shall make
you think of where
you're eyes shall lie
once it arrives

i do it according to myself

it clicks in and rolls

for that's what i do

and by me it works

night begins and your

senses start up

your blood pumps

your eyes widen

hopping to let is what

little light there is for

the hunt has begun

a door slams

in a field of green

kissed by death

that lingers in

the closing shadows

struggling to get out

you're held back by

the cords that keep

your blood flowing

Hello Blankets that Make up my Bed, for I am Your Warmth.

Hello. Goodbye.
why can not one choose?
Here I am.
There I am.
Back to Here Again.
Everything Goes in a Circle.
Round in Circles.
Seen This Before?
See it Again You Shall.
It's Life.
So Until Then.
I'll Stay in the Now.
Another Time.
Another Place.
More to Come.
The Circle isn't Over quiet Yet.
Goodbye is Hello.
Goodbye for One.
Hello for Another.

Dreams

a single leaf lies upon

the murky ground

wetted to a point of

transparency by the

falling droplets of water

Crushed

walking on only toes

you try and sneak

through the halls

in which you use to walk

turn a corner

no one there

another and yet

nothing but absence

make your way

through the maze

that is what you do

all in silence

snag on the rug

your foot catches

everything that you

did to keep silent is gone

Past Gone

plane ticket out of here wold be great. starting to save. plan it out. have two choices. both lonely. one harder than the other. but then i have to come back if i go there. not allowed to stay. just want peace. but you cant have peace without war. the war shall end soon. its all under my control. as soon as i can get hold of myself. then ill be fine. until then? the tunnel is only getting darker. is there a light at the other end? does it lead anywhere or did the workers stop production of the tunnel before it was completed? i don't know. do you? life is a book. how many chapter will mine have? will it have spin offs? the first 18 chapter have been pretty boring. a broken tree falls in the yard. crushing the grass and smothering the dirt. bitter i have become. arguing and being negative about happiness to others. jealous that i don't have it? maybe. you have one quarter, who are you going to call? its not me. why would it be me? no reason for it. motivation. gone. lost. frozen. when is the play button going to be pressed? head in the past. cant last long. cant see the future when you are looking in the rear view mirror to see the road sign behind you. no point you already passed it. i can speak it. why cant i do it? if you climb the trees. be prepared to fall. gravity always wins. i sit in a grey room. and i have been there before. not a pleasant place to be. gun shot to the head. wrists cut. system full of too many drugs. how did they die? a puzzle it is. twenty-three is number one.

Follow the Red Light

thinking that you can

put your trust into

people, doesn't mean

that you should

you begin to think

that you know the people

that you choose

to associate with

just then you

will find out that

you were wrong

and you don't even know them

you put your trust

deep within them

tell them your secrets

let them into your head

and that's when

you feel it

a sharp pain

in your back

they take advantage

of you and mess

with your mind

leave you in the dark

you once said that

you would give

your life for them

sacrifice for them

but you never

would think that

they would be the ones

taking it from you

Tiny Dancers of Water

i don't want to know anyone anymore. i want the music to continue without a beat, yet it doesn't and wont. i want to restart my game. try the level over. no correction shall be made. jut the character that i choose to talk to to see what i may get. nothing good. bubble on the floor of a lake of molten wax. red in color. the smell of matches fills a room, only to cover up the smell of sex. reflective covers hide the eyes of the innocents. a flashing light indicated life while a non existant light provides death. a pain in the neck shows how much you care about you seat. flames are entertainers and will forever dance as long as they have a stage. audience matters not. a piano in the background sets the mood for the death of the piano player. small pictures are hidden upon the roots of the oldest trees. rooms without color hide their meaning. privacy is for secrets. the sound of a baby kills the monarchs in july. over thinking only get you killed. act in the moment and you shall proceed. yellow eyes in the dark are not real when in front of you. the question shouldn't be when, but why not now. eating paper gives you the knowledge of the oldest trees, so old are they. i want to be a different character, can i choose again? i think not. this life is all you get. don't fuck it up. humans are too busy with stupid shit to see the real problems. why cant we fix them now, why wait until the last moment? act now. but wait when you call within the next 5 minutes you get... a long conversation with a automated person from another country in which you cant understand them because of their accent. accents make people hotter, see label for details. dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair? cool wind, desert. no doesn't work. does a lovely place guarantee a lovely time? can time be altered? chemically yes. sweet summer sweat, play on words or just to confuse? kill the beast and when you do, you shall be removed from this altered world. it was too cold to cry. you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. verbal punishment beats psychical punishment. see what i did there. oh the power of a piano. all i have known is gone, make anew i shall have to. close your eyes and feel the cold air on your skin. listen to your breathing and think of the great. have any of them felt this way? i can keep asking. my world will never be the same, and you are to blame. thank you. for everything. for nothing. for all. when you want a candy bar do you wait for your mom to bring you one home, no you go and buy one from the store. don't wait. the moment might pass. a thin layer of wax coats the lake of frost. you may not mind, but i do and its starting to get to me now. born into a world of death and corruption. unless you work in a courtroom, you shouldn't be judging. if atlas is holding the world, where in the world is... carmon san diego, no. where is his body touching the earth? ahhh. hook. line. sinker. we're going down captain. the lower compartments are filling up with water, too much for them to hold, too much for us to stay afloat. wait you're not the captain, where is he? he left 10 minutes ago after he ran the ship into an iceberg. what happened to going down with the ship? i don't think he read that chapter. the milky water becomes a grave. lost. forgotten. gone. never to come back. french vanilla? vanilla doesn't grow in france, what makes it french. that's cheating now the french are just putting their name on things. i mean look at.... holy shit judas, i figured it out. ever since they figured they couldn't claim the world for theirs they started to claim things as theirs, but putting their name on it so we will always be reminded of the french. fries: dead, captured, gone. toast: drowned in milk and egg and stuck with a flag, vanilla: now taken by the french. its all over, and all food related. fatass. harpoon. no ice cream for you. today isn't your day. and go.its almost complete. speeding off an off ramp. we're coming in too fast.....

Progress

its like a drug
once i get my hands on it
and get it into my system
i get a surge through my body
a sense of power
that takes over

its free, if you know how
all you have to do
is know the right people
or be in the right place
at the right time

i need more
more to quench the craving
the control that it has
over my body, it does
what it pleases to me

so i will forever
need more of it
to complete my feeling
of withdrawals that
overcome my body
letting me know
i need, not want it

Silence Follows

wish i could start over
not for my mistakes
for they have taught me things
things i would have never
found out any other way

start over to stay away
and choose wisely
of the people i talk to
and get close to
mostly pain it has caused
pain i cant take
pain that eats away at my brain

start over i wish i could
yet I'm stuck on this level
and the only way out
is a game over

everything we do is motivated by something

whether it be money or love or experimentation

we base everything in our lives by a reason

a reason to go left or right, stay or go

not all the reasons are good ones

they lead to pain, letting us learn

what is good and bad, black and white

you can tell what one is really thinking

by the actions they choose to take

or not take, louder than their words they are

the true meaning comes out with an action

Poe in the Field

Scorpions had it right, there's no one like you
talk we can for hours on end
about nothing at all
jumping from one topic to another
only to fill up time

you found me broken on the side of the road
took me in you did
reconstructed me into something new
someone i didn't know
yet i learned to love them
because deep down it was the true me
and that is how i shall be

i can say i will miss all the times we shared
and still it wont bring you back
nothing can do that, not now
now only digital chats we do have
live with it i have to

there is and will never be another of you
the mold was broken after its first use
one of a kind you are
someone that i can say that i loved
and love forever more, says the raven

Tell it Like it Is

nothing i can do. i cant let it all out like i would like to. words wont flow, like i have said. i cant be the person i want. i cant do the things i want to. i cant stand up for myself. my life kinda sucks right now. people are leaving. friends are gone. i cant even talk to the one person that i feel comfortable to talk about anything with. its complete, I'm finally a slave in life. all i have left are the thoughts of wanting to do something else, something i want. yet i stand here and do nothing as i watch the slave owners clamp shackles on me. I'm scared for whats to come. i find no enjoyment in what i use to. not conversations. not books. not research. not games. not writing. not music. not singing. I'm broken and the tape wont hold long. I'm going down to a deep dark place i have been before, no not the mines of Moria, but worse, far worse. somewhere i wish never again to see. yet that's where my one stop ticket is leading to. i cant even express how i feel about this right now. i cant find words. tired of life. tired of being sad. i see no point. funny, when you see everyday as beautiful, no matter the weather. use to be happy all the time. was it like a drug? was i bound to crash? is it balance for the universe? this hate is building up inside me, and one day it will blow, erupt, spew. the pressure is building. thought about many things recently to cause a game over. waste my last life? don't know. don't know. end of transmission

Far From Here

how long does one have to wait. wait for a time that may never come? life is in your hands, to change and create how you want it to be. yet what happens if you have no motivation to change, while the world around you does. everything you have ever known, changing forever. never to be the same. what happens then? end? my life is an hourglass on the edge of a table. anything has the poser to push it off. allowing gravity to take hold and bring it crashing to the ground. what is there to stop it, when the room you are in is empty? what meaning is there to fulfill a life that is empty, feels cold, and dark. is there to be hope? is there a saviour? anyone? am i to wonder this planet alone, until i meet new people so that they can change and leave too? what purpose does that have? tape can only hold together broken pieces for so long. then once again it break apart in your hands. something that shall continue on through life. people change, why cant i? why cant i grow? my body ages yet my mind is here, stuck in time. motionless. what meaning is there? I'm broken and the tape isn't holding.

There's a Reason I'll Be There

write i cannot, nothing will flow from my creativeness. try i do, yet the paper continues to be blank. no words, no scribbles. the river of words cannot flow without a heavy downpour of creative. so here i am, waiting, sitting. imagine that, a regular post, regular as in the generalization of a blog post. no normal for me. so i guess that makes it abnormal. even tried to create the next art piece to my personal canvas, but nothing gets out. i guess i closed the gate finally, and you know, i don't like it. if you design something, then you alone are the person to know its mistakes. motivation is also something that i currently lack, also not too happy about that. Billy Mac is staring at me from above, thanks miss capp. covering of my walls is pretty good, i like it, which is good cause i live here. masturbating alligators. scabbed over it has, still a bit tender, looks like dried clay upon my skin, yet black. miss sports games i do, miss the whole atmosphere. when shall i go back to see what they really have to work with, not sure. not going to go well, not a great team to create such a kick ass book. no one can top my pics, I'm 3 for 3 bitches, 2 national and 1 state. id say that's pretty damn good. time stopper i am, was, will be again. but now i have nothing. have to work my way back up. but the story begins when i say, when I'm ready. don't know when that will be, hopefully not long. my life as a whole is at a stand still, well most of it. not new interests, no further research on topics, everything has come to a halt. all but work. the has taken a step forward. yeah i guess. just means more work. but i can do it. comrades have left for others and education calls to them. embark on that journey they must. not my time. later it shall be. drop off the face of the map would be fun, Europe or Alaska? Europe is a huge change of pace. different culture would be great, ours isn't too great. and historicalyits horrible, fuck the Indians. found out i have some in me. they built huts, Romans built monuments to the gods, to government, to live. Europe it is for now, then later Alaska, in a cabin. just me. alone. solitude. nature. green and blue. night and day. to do what i will. rules i shall make. but that's way later. not now. not even close. only sing when I'm happy or in happy mood. people say I'm good. deaf are they? or is it me that is the deaf one? wish i could write lyrics. be nice. po-ta-to boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. have any of them felt this way? cant be alone with this, all different at different times. confessed the truth, feels great, lets people know you. gets you out there. but confess the secrets? no, cant. hate this desk i do. broken and covered in finder prints. wood is better, warmer. tears of blood fall from the eye. adhesive still stuck to my arm. wont come off. nothing will make it leave to find another place of residency. almost gone it is. when the lights go out, ill be ready. protection for myself i have. have the duty to call upon the others and create a clan. for protection against the forces. plans we have for the worst. me a leader? cant see it, yet i can. grown i have, taken over more. if no one will step up i shall. congregation of families to go to the one place we shall be safe. from the evil. with protection at our sides. tasks everyone shall have, to create a full village. jobs everyone shall have to sustain life out there. when shall the sun begin to rise over the horizon? when shall that day come? now i am in darkness, eyes open and covered still in darkness. just me? for now. crawl out i shall, but when shall the end of the tunnel come? cannot see the end. ill continue. i wish to see the light once more, one day it shall come. and i will once again fee the warmth upon my face. ships to carry you home. turn to silver glass. i need to get out of my room. stop being so isolated. i don't know any news, no time, no date. information i seek. informed i shall become again. i shall rise up. turning mistakes into gold. yet mistakes i haven't any. i guess you can only make mistakes if you take chances, get dirty. live. waste not what i have anymore. get the fuck on the bandwagon i shall. to live again. for me. myself. what i want. how i want it. but the question is, will you be there? i hope so, cause we all need a shoulder to lean on. everyone. how long will i have to climb my mountain? don't know. get to the top when i do. and a sight it shall be. get my head out of the sound i need to. and i shall. takes time. i have plenty of time. no one can say otherwise. force me to do anything i dare you to do. see how well that works for you. do the things i want. no matter how useless. Russian. German. Greek. cooking knowledge. history. writing style. the more i know the more i love. you don't like it, doesn't matter. its my life. i control it. never anyone else. ever. its mine to reign over. long live me! and rule i shall. learn forever more, anything and everything. nothing is pointless. everything has a meaning, just need to find it. call me what you will. i care not. i am me, and that wont change. for no one. cause? mine? to live. make what i can of life. fill my memory with happiness, love, people and places. it shall never end. so here i begin. begin to make anew. a new page. a new chapter. with fresh ink and a crisp page i begin. for you know, life is but a book to be written by its author, you.

Home, Where I Wanted to Go

there is a great reason why your friends are your friends. you get along with them, you live with them, you do everything with them. you can trust them, you can love them, you can talk to them.you find things in common with them, you grow closer to them than anyone. they are people you can fall back on when you fall hard, when you need a shoulder to cry on. that is the reason for friends. boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. you meet them, you chat with them, you get to know each other for one reason, for love. to never be lonely at night. to fill you with warmth. a relationship will never last forever, people change and people leave. if you push all your friends away, then who are you to fall back on? who is it that is going to help you back up? we all fall, why, to learn to pick ourselves back up. but when there is no one to give you a hand up, what meaning is there? life takes help, encouragement, and most of all friendship to get you through the hard times we all go through.

What Can You See?

stand in the rain

and it shall wash me away

as if made of nothing but sand

each grain to be encased in water

to flow away to reach another land

so there it may have the opportunity

to rebuild itself and make anew

Ink on the Canvas

my canvas was itching

to become what it wanted

time it took for the design

and came out sharp it did

pencil and paper was done

the sketch was complete

the canvas was itching for it

the next step was the ink

to make it permanent

forever lasting upon me

my canvas needed it feel

to be able to be closer

closer to completion

was within my power

between lips it escaped

the confirmation between think and do

my canvas sits before me

staring me back in my eye

a power grin upon my face

my canvas has been stained

a marking has been left

for the many years to come

shown upon me, my canvas

for any who wish to see

thoughts that linger

call upon empty spaces

filled they shall be

in the coming time

A Novel

if something out of nowhere were to happen to me tomorrow, would i still linger in your head? what is it i have accomplished that has the power to engrave itself into your head? what is it i have done that is so special? life is random and can choose at anytime to rid of any of us. so will you remember me, will you cry over a "loss" or will you be like any other person on this world and continue to live? what will you have to remember me by? a memory, a thought, a smile on the street, service in a store? life may pass but can we be remembered?

What it Was is No More

"Me and all my friends, we're all misunderstood, they say we stand for nothing and there's no way we ever could" John Mayer

we were drawn together

from all over the map

one by one we did meet

and what meetings they were

we all became close and

our evenings became full

memories began to grow

bonds were written

upon the stony earth we

walk upon all together

by slip of mouth

a name was created

and it shall

never be forgotten

names were thrown around

within and ended up sticking

outside speculations arose

and judgement had happened

words began to escalate

into unspeakable profane hurt

and the periods of congregation

grew forever further apart

in our wake things

shall be remembered

songs and videos

late nights and sugar galore

times of adventure and surprise

talk mixed with no sleep

the conversations and games

that knew no bounds

forever shall we all remember

forever shall we converse

upon the memories of friendship

Long Live the Facakes

Help! I Need Somebody

its happening again, I'm loosing myself

i cant stop it, i have no hand in it

but why cant i, its my life

do i choose this for myself

or is there a deeper meaning

meaning or not, its still happening

yet again i am slipping away

away from the ones i love

the ones i care about

and love to be around

i don't know what to do anymore

i have nothing

i wish to do nothing

i find no motivation to do anything

not read, not create not even write

music no longer holds its sway upon me

and it all saddens me

alone i feel and too lost

to even recover from this

deep dark abyss that i now slumber in

Kapitel eins oder fünf?

who are you?



names are of no importance, but on the other hand, names we give ourselves reflect us more than ever. so therefore I an known as the Boss.



OK, what do you want?



i want you to be here at the date and time specified, don't miss it.



the Boss hands her a card



why should i?



why shouldn't you, chance of a lifetime, you only see it once.



looking at the card, the Boss disappears before she can ask the Boss anything more



-----------------------------



sitting at a table cluttered with guns, a man works on cleaning one of many, a woman walks in



hey Boss



we will be having a new addition to our duo. i want you to meet them outside when they get here and then show them around. tell them nothing of what we do, you know the code.



we're expanding?



yes, will make things easier on us both.



OK, and if they start asking questions?



make something up, you're good at that.



a smirk erupts on his face as the Boss walks out of the room



----------------------------



walking outside, the man stands around waiting for the person to show up. a giant empty lot surrounds the house, and there isn't a living soul around for miles



fuck it's hot out here and i forgot my sunglasses,...oh well.



a woman walks around the corner with nothing but a bag over her shoulder



excuse me, do you know where....



this damn heat better leave soon, it's no good for anyone, i mean.....



HEY! you know where this is?



my mistake, wasn't paying attention. welcome, although i didn't think that i was waiting for a woman.



you got a problem with that? cause i don't need you to waste my time.



well you're straight down to business aren't you, that will save time and come in useful



listen, I'm looking for someone who goes by the name Boss, gave me this card and told me to be here, well...now.



and here i am, taking the time to welcome you. I'm Weasel and, you ready for this cause here it comes, welcome... to the Fortress.



I'm Gust.... and i believe thats all you need to know. that mustang over there run?



i take it you're a car person at least?



all my life.



very useful indeed. no it doesn't, not for a long time. but why need it... when you have what we got.



what is it that you have?



why don't we start at the beginning,... let me show you around.

Chapter 4

walking thought the castle style hallways. its lighted by lantern looking lights on the wall.

(singing) she's well acquainted with the touch of a velvet hand like a lizard on a window pane, the man in the crowd with the multi-colored mirrors on his hot male boots.....(end singing) you a fan of the Beatles,...a victim?


my name's...

that's just great, not important

..well i guess they're not bad. did you say something about tests?

tested, yes. why, not that a totally different question to which you haven't even come close to asking, i can see it in your eyes

...see it in my eyes. unless you have eyes in the back...

of my head? no, I'm not alien. you'll learn

whatever... you say. ill go with it at this point

given in have you? so soon, shame. now we'll have to feed you to the hungry cannibal kid in the basement

...what?!... your joking right?

that's the funny part, you'll never know

why is everything about this place so secretive?

well, if we all didn't have our dirty little secrets, where would we be? you will find out just exactly what you need to know... just... not yet.

Weasel pushes open an iron door and holds it for the victim to enter. slamming the door behind him he locks it from the outside.

good luck, let the game begin.

Weasel opens a peep hole and talks to the victim through it.

oh and remember не слушайте никого и Вас, wil находят ваш выход

wait! what did you say?

if there is one thing i hate, its repeating myself after i have just said what i mean to. told you that once before, you should have been listening. have fun!

but i don't understand what you said!

fading out due to walking away from the door, the victim is left in silence.

(singing) oh don't you know that happiness, is a warm gun. happiness is a warm gun....(end singing)

before the victim lies a hallway that leads to yet another hallway; a maze. all the walls look alike and there are no indications that can be seen anywhere to determine if he has been there before. all the walls are too high to climb, and hallways too wide to shimmy up.

are you fucking kidding me right now? its like i signed up for some sick fun house bullshit.

good evening. it is advised you watch your language, the Boss isn't one for such a foul mouth. i suggest you begin, because with each passing moment, the lights will begin to fade. good luck.

but Weasel told me that i wouldn't be needing the flashlight anymore

you shouldn't need it, but then again it might have been useful. Weasel has been known to make things for the victims a bit... harder. so there's your warning. now begin.

Don't Recall Writing This, Yet Here It Is

how long can one man
stand by means
of his own strength
before he caves
his legs buckle and
he begins to fall to
the dreary gray earth
on which he stands

quiet whispers can

be heard through

the overbearing noise

what is it they tell you

have they more to say

Four Legs and a Tail

i hate how they follow you around

i hate the way they smell

i hate all the sounds they make

i hate how you have to take care of them

i hate how they ruin your plan to leave the house

i hate how they leave hair everywhere

i hate how you have to pick up after them

i hate how you have to clean up after them

i hate how they lick you

i hate how they don't listen

i hate almost everything about them

i hate how they waste your money

i hate how they jump up on you

loyal companion, yes

worse than a kid, yes

worth it, once

Don't Let Me Down

Suicidal kings sit upon decomposing horses. Staring at their destroyed land delt by their own hand. Crumbling foundations lie beneath their castles, soon to be crushed under the lies within.

Blood queens lay in a bed of metal, hiding from their age. Rapped of their innocence and blamed for it.

Jesters endlessly star into the fire searching for an ounce of entertainment. Finding not but a smirk, they resort to shouting 'off with their heads!' while looking in a mirror.

Let Me Be

let me lay and listen

to the rain outside my window

i wish to hear it pelt the rooftop

and every leaf that lies in its way

falling from the heights above

let me drift to sleep

to its gentle rhythm

as the hours pass and

the night grows darker

cover me not

for i wish to feel

the cool breeze of moisture

upon my naked skin

wake me you shall not

for i slumber upon a dream

that i dare not shatter

Chapter 3.5

Boss.



yes Hammer...



the new victim has completed the first test. took a little longer than i guessed he would...but he's done. and now he is demanding that he talk to someone. says he's "dying of hunger". we'll see how long he lasts.



thank you for the update. inform Weasel.



-------------------------



Scooter, hows that virus coming?



its coming, going to take some more work. you'll be able to have it within the next few days I'm thinking.



alright that works great. and make sure that its untraceable, wouldn't want to get caught.



of course.



alright keep up....



Weasel.



go ahead Hammer.



the victim has completed the first test and you are all clear to begin phase two.



alright good, thanks. let the fun begin. and Scooter, let me know when its complete.



that's a can do.



------------------------



is anybody out there? i read the briefing! and i got a few questions about things! anybody out there, please?! Weasel! i want to talk to you! um...Boss, can you hear me?! i want some answers!



you'll never be able to get answers if you first don't allow the other person to speak.



who is that?....answer me!



first off lets get one thing straight, you jump when WE tell you to, not the other way around. you're at the bottom of the pole, and shit rolls down hill, so get use to it. second, you were told to read the briefing......



which i did as much as i could, but it's in a different language past the first page, how am i supposed to read that?!



calm the FUCK down! you wanna interrupt me one more time and see what happens?....didn't think so. you will learn your place... as i was saying,... you were told to read the briefing and then you would be contacted when it was time. now it is time. can you handle staying calm or am i going to have to get the restraints? its up to you.



...I'm under control...



no use mumbling, people cant understand what you're saying so it does no good.



I'm under control.



good now we can move on. Hammer, unlock the victim's room....

copy that, have fun.

thanks. now if you would follow me... and take the flashlight out of you pocket, you wont be needing it anymore.



how'd you kn.....



follow me, and don't touch anything.

Chapter 3

Ace.

yes Boss?

what's the status on the charges?

they are not what we initially thought they might be. they are something far greater than what we anticipated.

Ace, i need you to pin point the location of where they might have gotten the charges. we need to know what it is we are looking at.

I'm all over it,.. you know that i can handle this.

-------------------

Hammer?

yeah Weasel?

i want full lock down on the new victim's room. and make sure the lights get turned off in...about 5 minutes. let the tests begin.

copy that. its in motion.... you remember being in the tests?

like it was yesterday. not too fond of those memories. but you see where they got us?

right you are.

without the tests we would be nothing more than the pathetic losers on the street... alright, i want an update on the victim every...lets say... every ten after the lights go out. and let the Boss know when the first stage of the tests is complete. got that?

copy that Weasel.

---------------------

Weasel.

Boss.

i need you in my office.

copy that Boss. I'm in the elevator as we speak. there in seconds.

Yes Boss.

you ever find out the name of the new victim?

that i did not, did you actually want to....

you and i both know that i already know everything about him. i cased him. brought him here. he's now your problem. a problem i know you can handle.

correct... the tests have been started, there is no say on how well he will do. how'd you pick this one out? what makes you think he will be better than the last one?

come now, you know rule number 2... that was a nice spiel, making rules up like that. did you practice that one?

did it come off rehearsed, like i can't make something up on the fly ha!, it shut him up didn't it, at least for the time being. and it may not be a rule but it is an unwritten code that we all go by, all but you, but its your job to know things so.....

you are correct about that. it is my job to know.... this one... i feel different about this one. last one was a flake. we could all see that. but this one... he's an ex-military man. relieved of his duties due to his home situation. damn shame. wife and daughter shot at gun point, didn't even see it coming. don't worry he's stable now, but not for long. keep me updated.

always. good talk.

oh and Weasel. you did put both the batteries and the light bulb in the room this time didn't you?

Boss, what do you take me for a....

...a weasel?

That was one time, and i called it, he was a fuck up and should have never been let in. and yes both are in the room, real question is where.

Chapter 2

Weasel, got a new victim for you to handle.

why is it that every time we get a new victim, i have to handle it? give it to...

its your job, are you not second in command? and are you questioning me? do as i say.

yeah Boss, where is he?

just pulled up outside. we have been expecting him. show him around.

he got a name?

do you really care?

true..., I'm on it Boss.

----------

we've been expecting you. welcome to the Fortress. last place you will ever live. I'll get to that later. as for now, follow me.

...i talked to someone on the phone about this and .....

that's the Boss. you always answer to the Boss, no matter what it may be. the Boss is always watching and can hear everything, so you might want to be careful what you say.

...the Boss? no name?

that is their name, its what you call the Boss. that's all you need to know.

and who are you?

I'm Weasel, and i only answer to the Boss, you got that. that means that you also listen to my commands as if they were the Boss'. i speak on the Boss' behave. can you handle that?

i think that i got it so far. but why do they call you Weasel?

right. rule number two, you don't ask questions. when it is your time to know things, you will know. so until then...come on follow me, lets go. hands and feet inside the elevator at all times. so... moving on. Hammer.

hey Weasel.

hows it looking?

everything is alright for now. that old lady down the street is still standing there, i call the the paramedics. they're on their way. everything under control. if not, you're the second to know.

good work, carry on. that was Hammer. he's got the duty of security and surveillance. he tucks us in at night and makes sure the bed bugs don't even get with in a block of the place. he's been watching you since you turned onto the street. watch yourself. that over there on the computer, that's Scooter. he's our technology technician, he deals with all the technology within the Fortress, you got or need anything within that department, you go to him for help with it.

i do have a problem with my....

NOT done, under the hood over there is Gust. shes our driver and mechanic. she knows the ins and outs of the every vehicle in this place. if you need to get away fast, she's the one to trust. ill have to set up a driving session with her for you.

why do i need a driving session with her?

first off, from what i heard, you are not the best driver, who knows how many rules of the road you follow. and second, lets just say that you might wear what you ate if you're not use to her driving, not bad, just ...efficient. now the other two aren't here right now. they left yesterday for a mission. wont be back until tomorrow, and Ace is down in the lab, you can meet her later. she doesn't like to be bothered, well at least by...you. she's our chemical technician handles all the real nasty stuff. you can meet the rest of them later....

what is it that you do, besides being second in command?

fair enough, fair enough, but all will be known in time, you will soon find out. don't you fret.

ok then... well, whats with all the nicknames? do people not have real names here?

these are our real names...now. you'll have to ask everyone personally why they are called what they are. its up to them to tell you or not. you must respect that. respect here is everything, without it there is nothing. right this way. you got all that, or is there something that you missed?

...um... you said mission earlier, what do you mean mission? what is it you do here?

what is it you think that we do here?

..uh..well...

all will be answered in due time. don't you worry. but for now...this, is your room. this is where you will stay and ... read what you need to. its on the desk. everything that you need to know as of now is in that file. the briefing is all you need to know as of now. anything else?

yeah...ah.. where is the bathroom and when is it i get to eat? i drove for hours here and I'm hungry.

just read the briefing, its all you need to know. you will be contacted when it's time.

...time for wh...

just.read.

Concealed

a broken clock on the sidewalk. the shattered glass reflects the sunlight as best it still can. still hands create still time. is anything moving? broken friendships create pain within. it isn't what i or any of us wanted. but do we even know what we do want? how sure can we be that this isn't what we wanted? we go by our feelings. pain, happiness, fear, love. its what we all feel. its what we all make our decisions by. can they be trusted? can we entrust our lives within how they make us feel?

For a Weekend

i see a burning cigarette in the middle of the road. the setting sun casts a shadow making the smoke barley visible. the asphalt that it rests upon is stained by the mark of man with its yellow and white, glittering in the fading sunlight.

stopping at a stoplight, i see a flickering fed hand. when shall it finally die? how much longer does it have, does it know? the man stopped by the flickering light, leans upon the light post, waiting for the changing light.

pulling a bag out of the trunk, i pull my phone out of my pocket to inform my mother that i have arrived at my destination safely, like always. looking up i connect eyes with an elderly woman walking her dog. i smile. she looks away. what has the world come to?

i walk thought the artificially lighted hallway past doors to the other parking lot. back in the sunlight, it reflects off the beads of sweat it has created that run down my brow. wiping it away with my sleeve, a man is loading wooden chairs into the back of his truck, i assume its his.

i look up the stairs and try to imagine what it is that will come. what it is that will come within the next hours, days, years. i am always thinking of my future and who will be in it.

i am the result of a destroyed marriage. i am the outcome. i am stuck in the middle.

Looking Into the Darkness, I Take a Step Forward

this if for all the assholes, the lovers, the fighters, the complainers, the drama queens and mainly friends.

we grow up learning from our parents, what they teach us. the line between right and wrong. what is just and unjust. they try to mold us into perfect beings for society. but we all know that doesn't work. the teenage years hit and we begin to think for ourselves. we find things out the hard was, we go against their words. we go behind their backs to discover ourselves. but we are not alone. forging that river with us are our friends, people who we find comfort in. people we can tell anything to, no matter how ugly the secret is. we cry, we laugh, we live.

time progresses on and there may be casualties but new recruits are always coming. we grow fonder of each other and spend more time with them, living with them, sharing moments together. moments that we will never forget, for they make up our lives.

then something happens. we start to change, all of us. we listen to the shit people talk about us behind our backs from a third party and it hurts. we seek revenge. and argument breaks out and we say the friendship is over. but we know that it has grown too deep over the years, we know its not over deep down. we continue life.

we eventually learn that people lie, they cheat to get ahead in life. it hurts when that becomes part of our story. it weakens our friendships, but mainly because we let it. we let it get to our heads. we start fights and begin to avoid people because we seam to be tired of them. but deep down, we'll miss them if they leave. we shared moments together that make up our lives. that's a bond that cannot be forgotten.

this is the life of a teenager. we let things get to our head. it drives us crazy and we make decisions based on those lies and cheats, because we let them get the better of us.

so until we can grow the fuck up and leave the bullshit drama behind. I'll and others will be waiting. for you to find yourself. for sally over there to stop spreading rumors to make herself feel better. for bob to stop treating people like an asshole. for us all to stop the drama, and take control of our lives. but until then we shall wait. wait for time to tick onward. there is nothing that we can do, until that moment comes. the moment that we realize that we have all been a huge group of dipshits for ruining our friendships, our moments, our lives.

so maybe one day, when we are grown. we'll be able to see what life is about. and how these little snags in life are part of fucking life, and no matter how bad we don't want them to come, we realize that we have no choice. they will come. they strengthen us. make us wiser. prepare us for the future, no matter what it may be. but until then, the drama shall rule. and in the end, we will look back and regret it. regret it getting to us.

so i say live for today. if you trip and drop your book in the puddle, pick it up and dry it out. continue writing, the pages are never ending and the ink is forever lasting. care not about the looks from strangers, care about the words that come from the tongues of your trusted friends. fuck the drama, no one needs it. fucking get along. this bullshit that is in all of our lives isn't worth even glancing at.

Truth Betold

i hate stupid people
i love driving in fog
i love the sensation of cleaning my ears
i cant use a towel if i know or even think that someone else used it
i hate people who have to always put you down to make themselves feel better
i love the sensation of really cold water
I'm super tired of every one's bullshit
love the way that music can change my mood, sometimes
i don't know how to comfort someone when they cry, it makes me feel awkward
I'm super fascinated with murder, killings, serial killers and death
before i can eat my cereal i have to make sure that ever piece has been dunked in the milk
i would love to be a high school teacher
i am picky about where i can get my tattoo(s) because i don't like them to be in a place where hair grows because i think it makes the tattoo look bad
after i read a message, i have to delete it
i wish my hair was the slightest bit curly or rather wavy
i think that the moon is very powerful, it represents so much
i don't like to lend my stuff out because I'm over protective of it
i like to lay in bed and just watch the second hand go by
i don't know what to think about people anymore
i don't like bright colors, I'm a dark person with dark interests
i love to sleep on top of the covers so that i can feel the cool breeze at night
during the winter i have to have a lot of blankets on my bed because i like the weight and the great amount of warmth
i hate being licked by anything
I'm an atheist and i think its funny when my family tries to understand that
i think that slapping a girls ass is disrespectful, even if they know its all in fun and game
i don't think that everything is solved by taking a pill or going to the doctor
i hate the native American culture and i really don't know why
i don't like being clean shaven but i also don't like when it gets too long a few, one - two days is best
fingernails that go below the actual fingertip creep me out
i hate the words "pussy" and "fag" or "faggot" and find them offencive and I'm not sure why

Cycle

can life start over? can we take the life that is ours and begin again? more rather not being born again but everything else, just beginning again? you drop your current life, your friends, you job or lack there of, bank accounts, residence. can you really just leave it all behind? leaving it and relocating somewhere where no one knows you, never even heard of you. you get a new name, house, job and car. you then begin to make friends that you relate to. and the cycle begins again. you start fresh. but why do it? did you mess up in the past cycle, something that you have to try again? did someone hurt you or did you hurt them and you just want to run from either the pain or the guilt. or is it that you just get tired of the same old shit, the same old shit that tires you and you have no want for. you want to start over and try something else. a new strategy. see how you can change your life into something different. a different pace. something with style or lack of it. yet what good can it do to run? will it keep you up at night that you might have ruined someone elses life by vanishing? not even keeping contact. ruin their thought that they could have gotten with you because they loved your eyes, the way you looked at them. just to vanish and become part of a fantasy. will it help, running? to start the cycle over again? or will the same flaws come up and ruin your chance to be happy? what if its your flaws that you cant run from but you still try, don't you? maybe this time it will work.

Dead Jelly

i hate when people try to talk to me through the bathroom door


sitting around a campfire with friends is one of my most favourite things


i like the looks of words spelt the English way


i really like my shoes


calves are one of the top most things of the body that turn me on


i hate people who complain all the time


i love everything to do with the ocean


when i bend my arms and put my elbows together, it looks like a t-rex


in 8th grade, before i moved, i sat at a table all by myself everyday until i moved


saving my money is slightly hard


i wish my sister was a boy, so i could have a brother instead


i hate anything cinnamon flavored


it boggles my mind on how the body works


I'm going to get at least six tattoos and none of them will have color or shading


i cherish my friends cause i don't want to loose them, like i did with my other friends before i moved but wasn't caused by moving


sometimes i wish i could just live, but i have to control things


i like to chop wood


i love to run my fingers through my hair


i don't like to sleep without a shirt on and hate sleeping with socks on


i hate when people have sex with only their socks on


i don't like ac/dc


i love shadows


i want to grow up but i don't know the next step


i hate the military and everything it stands for


i wish i could orgasm because of listening to a song

She's So.....

i hate being sweaty with a burning passion

i hate talking on the phone even if its to call my friends

i don't answer my phone if i don't feel like doing anything but what i am at that moment

i hate mowing the lawn and would do almost anything to get out of doing it

i sometimes want to get shot and stabbed just to see what it feels like, even if its by my own hand

i sometimes want to buzz my head to get rid of my hair cause i get annoyed with it

i hate all sounds a dog makes

i hate the sound of breathing

i hate when people remind me to do something over and over again even if i will forget

i hate the heat

i hate having long fingernails

i love taking cold showers

i don't like to take my shirt off because I'm not comfortable with the way i look

i think tattoos are hot

Alicia is right, smoking does make you look hot/badass

i don't think you can love too much

if i had more courage and a nonchalant attitude, i would be a nudist

i take pride in what i make

if i miss a call, i don't call them back if i don't want to talk to them

i wish i could go back to high school for one more year, i miss it that much

i want to get into a physical fight with a girl then make love after

i tap my fingers because i pretend I'm playing the piano

sometimes i sit on myspace and just wait for a message, whether its coming or not

i hate it when people try to control children and make them do what the older people want to do

i don't like having long hair

i hate light colored shirts, nothing lighter than grey

i lie sometimes about little things to try and impress people, wish i didn't

I'm having trouble sleeping and its pissing my off cause all i want to do is sleep

when i get super angry i cant control myself and i get really destructive

i get attached to things too easily and i wish that i didn't

i could live out in the woods, but i would need someone to talk to

i hate being inside on a nice day, but i do nothing about it

i like to sing along or by my self because it relaxes me

i think its really cool when me and my friends sing the guy and girl parts in songs. stripped, happiness is a warm gun, and elephant love melody are the best for that

i don't like the look of 3d letters on something that is 2d

our country thinks as things as taboo way too much

i wish i could forget things

i really badly wish that i had more motivation for anything

i hate people who try and control the other in a relationship

i get pissed off really easily

I'm super bad at spelling

i try and dig for the answer even if i don't want to know

sometimes i wish that we could all break out in song and dance

i like the looks of writing in all caps

I Cannot Recall

what is it

that makes us tick

that makes us

lie and cheat

what is the reason

behind our reasoning

is it feelings

of ours or another's

that we consider

that we don't wish to hurt

why is it

i want to hurt you

yet i cannot

i cannot bring

myself to hurting you

where is the reason

to my own thinking

have i lost it

has it gone astray

floating endlessly in space

never to be found

or am i hiding it

underneath my own feelings

for all they seem to do

is cloud everything

No Expression

why is it every time i open my mouth
nothing comes out
do i not have control over myself?
my body wants one thing
and my mind another
too many feelings i feel
fear clouds everything i know and love
so it controls me, until i can control it
fear is my enemy and it shall one day fall
and on that day, my voice shall be heard

Cages

signs on the wrong side of the road

yet it feels right on target

i suffer and feel the need to cry

but my body produces no tears

a car on a single endless road

and i know where it is going

the dark spotted sky begins to rip away in pieces

so i can see what there truly is

and what i see i haven't before

and it calms and comforts me

It Wouldn't Hurt, I Guess Not

is anything wrong? or does it all have a meaning that gives the "action" justification. for what i wish to do, i feel no regret or bad feelings about, does that make me inhuman, or just prove that i am human? does it ruin the relevance of these questions if i really don't care what the answer is, cause i don't.


i want to pick things up and throw them back twice as hard. say things to her face to make her cry. i wish to make her feel like shit, give her a taste of her own medicine. i want to push her in front of a moving bus to see if they can stop in time. i want to break her. load so much wait on her back and watch while she crumbles from the weight. i want to push her off a cliff to see how she screams on the way down. point a gun to her face to see what face she will then make, see if she begs for her life, as grand as it may be. i want to rip her tongue out so she may never utter another word of complaint.


and yet, i cannot find the strength to do any of it. my weaknesses stop me from a confrontation, it will never allow me to follow through, but there may be hope.

People are Simply People

people do things because that's what they know, its what they are comfortable with. just because it doesn't suit you doesn't mean that it doesn't suit them.

people are all different, and therefore express themselves differently. not everyone is going to do it the exact same way, where is the fun in that?

why do people do what they do? no one can be sure, but why do writers write, why do singers sing and write lyrics, why do poets write poetry. its what they know, its what they like.

you may say hidden, but for them its right out in the open and you just don't get it. hidden is what you know, hiding behind what you have, pushing it in our faces for us to choke on. the moment may pass, but people remember.

There is No Please

there are only so many ways

that people know how to do things

too bad we're not perfect like you

we move along in life best we can

with what we know and the funny thing is

we learn, we are always learning what works

and what doesn't, just because it works

for you doesn't mean that it will ever work

for us, for me, why you ask

well let me tell you

we, the people of this world

are ALL individuals and

we all have different thoughts

different ways that we do things

and those ways work for us

so here it is

stop bitching about everything that

doesn't work for you

cause its not all about you

and it never will be

What i Know

i have plenty of dirty little secrets, the real question is do you want to hear them? i encourage you to confess the truth.

i love the taste of metal

i want to do things for my friends to be nice but then dont cause you can only get so far with nice

i find that female singers are hot

i hate writing with pencils

it bugs the hell out of me when people forget to turn their blinker off

i agologize too much

i really dont like dogs

i like to chew on things, whether they have been on the ground or not

the smell of where my grandparents live is wonderful

people dont listen to my advice or my guidence and it pisses me off cause i often know what im talking about

i think that i would be a club rat if i had the chance to go to one, cause i like the atmosphere so much, minus the drinking

i think that doing drugs and alcohol is one of the dumbest things you can do

the smell of the soap in my kitchen is really good

singing at the top of my lungs in my car alone is one of the best stress/anger reliever for me

i would do most anything for my friends at anytime that i know who would return the favor

i hate large amounts of bass

i hate mowing the lawn with a burning passion

i want to be in a ship wreck

it would be a miricle for me if i was stranded on an island or in the wild

i love winter and the snow that comes with it

i really hate soggy ceral cereal

i had to look up how to spell cereal

i always have to be doing something

space is confusing

stars shine for no one, they do it because they know nothing else

im an extremly destructive person, but have learned to somewhat control it

my shoulders are double jointed

i find myself slightly insane

i would much rather live in a world of darkness

i hate electric/computer cords

i love talking to people

i have always liked to sing

i would much rather live in either 2000 bc, 500 bc, 100 bc, 55 bc, or 600 ad

i love history with a passion

i have a great memory and do remember random things

i want to start a forest fire and get away with iti hate having chapped lips, cause the i pick at them

i like to pick scabs

i dont really like being tan

i only like tha juice of salsa

i like to argue

Thick Webs

why is it i look for answers

answers that i don't want to hear

what good may come of it

none, just pain that torments me

cannot let it get to me

must block it out

must care not of it

look past it

it, they mean nothing

Voice in the Dark

trees sing during the rising of the moon

concealed by the mask of darkness

their songs flow over the hills and create life

they awaken those that were sleeping

and put those to sleep that have little time

see them you cannot for the night is dark

and the moon has but only a faint glow

Handless Clocks

why is it people must always have an answer?
does it make them "warm and fuzzy"
does it comfort them while they lay asleep at night
is not knowing so wrong
why must we resort to making things up
to allow those who want answers to be able to sleep
voids in knowledge does not show weakness
needing to fill the gaps does

Weakening Alphabet

is it possible to feel nothing
no pain, no feelings
what would the point of living be
if there isn't anything in it to live for
what is blank or nothingness
does it mean there is nothing there
how can that be if there is always something there
something that occupies the place
yet pain is present for a reason
it keeps us alive continues the ticking
makes life more of a challenge
regulates the bliss, it is balance
if it can exist

Hidden Letters

a word slips from a mans mouth

a woman falls to her death

a butterfly flutters from flower to flower

a typhoon destroys the southern coast of Japan

someone answers their cell phone

a building falls in India killing thousands

a single tree is cut down in the rain forest

gas prices go up 10 cents

what does it all mean?

together it means nothing

yet pull it apart and you may find a reason

Running Numbers

how willing are you to dig?
might not be a hole,
but something of greater magnitude,
yet you must be cautious

for every shovel-full of knowledge
that you unearth you have to sacrifice

a part of you,
to show them you want it
how deep are you willing to go?
how bad do you want their trust?
yet the deeper you go

the more rocks you come across
making it harder to continue
until one day they push the dirt back in
covering the hole with you in it
trapped alive and no air
you suffer as you try and breathe
but dirt fills up your lungs and your heart stops
your blood thickens and you start to rot
was it worth it?

A Bit of Me

i hate when people don't drive the speed limit or don't use their blinkers

it drives me crazy when people ask me the same question over and over again

i'd rather drink anything from a mug than a cup

it tares me apart to be late to a movie

why can people just turn the off, is it really that hard?

i strongly dislike when people ruin a movie for me

i hate the military and the government

i have to finish a song, cant cut it short

the bark of a dog is one of the worst sounds to my ears

driving in Seattle literally makes me crazy and i cant handle it unless people calm me down

feet are one of the nastiest things known to man

i like talking to strangers but not in person

waking up in a confusing daze is the best way to wake up

hugging the wall while you sleep is the only way to go

i obsess over things and its going to kill me

foreign languages are a passion music feeds my mind and heals my body

i care what people think, its a curse and cant help it, wish i could

if i didn't care about other's feeling getting hurt, i would be an asshole

im protective about my things

my eyes water when other's do on TV

i would live in the middle of nowhere if i didn't need people

i wish i could right a novel about anything

i think about things too much

my pinky toe is worthless and doesn't even touch the ground

drama should be left on the dumb TV shows

if you want something done right, then you should always do it yourself

most people cant be trusted

snakes are the definition of evil

i could be allergic to bees but i cant be sure, Ive never been stung

sometimes i wish that i was in critical care at the hospital to see who would come

we live in the present for a reason, leave the past alone

one of the smartest things to say is "i don't know"

the world is in control by one thing and cant be taken over, money

shall is one of my favorite words to use

i often wish that i could do to another land or even time

you shouldn't hate life, just the people who fuck it up for you

i wish i could be in someone elses body for one day to see what its like

I'm not a babysitter, take care of yourself

i hate the stale heat

i hate attention whores, even if they have family/self issues

i wish i could sing well

saying no to people is one of the hardest things to do for me

running isn't going to heal the wounds, just make them deeper

i wish i could be at least as half as smart as House

i like to teach people and explain things to them

i love the feeling of summer

i would love to play the piano, or any instrument that suits my fancy, but i lack motivation

thunder storms are orgasms

the smell of fresh rain is pure bliss

the world would be in "peace" if religion didn't exist

i hate having greesy/dirty hair

i hate hugely fat people, kids are even worse

i sometimes wish i would become famous for a random reason

the idea of infinity scares me

i think the government is hidding the cure for cancer and AIDS for population control

i think it would be hot to get caught jacking off by a complete stranger

i don't find black people attractive

if you don't want to be called a name, don't act like what you are being called

i can't spell and i don't care

i want to get in a plane crash and be the only survivor

the world would be better if stupid people weren't in it

there is no point in being racist

i wish i could kiss someone in the rain in the middle of the road

i hope for a natural disaster to happen in my area to experience it

this country's school system is failing, stupid people are proof

i don't like little kids because i don't know how to talk to them

i hate when people baby their children, and baby talk is useless

I'm slightly scared to try new things

I'm scared of heights because i imagine falling to my death

i love the rush of taking off in an airplane

i sometimes wish people would push me to do things

eyes and trees are fantastic and I'm obsessed with them both

that soccer picture fucked up my placing, it was a bad picture

i say " i forgot to do it" when i really just don't want to do something

technology will be the death of all of us, and robots are fucking scary

i want to get back together with someone by giving them a song to listen to

potatoes are the best vegetable, its versatile

I'm highly attracted to songs with piano in them

celebrity magazines are the dumbest thing ever, they are just people too

i try to please people too often

the smell fresh cut grass is awesome, along with gasoline and snowmobile exhaust

the sound of silence is eerie and bliss

my eyes tear up every time i yawn

green is in me and I'm in blue

my mouth waters when i see blood